DRAMA ...

 

This page is about something which has been overshadowing my/our lives for some time, which I can't describe for you because it concerns someone else it wouldn't be fair to speak about here.  However, you can see that this was a really powerful way to work through my feelings at the time, and I'm pleased to report that after years of being conflicted about it, resolution came quite easily and suddenly and magically the solution seems to be working for everyone involved.

As so often the page began with a background done with my Neocolour crayons from Caran D'Ache, and then ferreting about in my box of newspaper/magazine clippings produced the dramatic image below.  It really spoke to me because it seemed to be about hiding ... and I felt like I was having to hide my true feelings about the situation, particularly my anger and resentment.  The dramatic element also seemed to fit as we lurched from drama to crisis and back again.

I wanted to get a border around this page - perhaps instinctively I wanted to contain these feelings?  The word "drama" also got pulled out of the box, and I just really liked the number which doesn't actually mean anything but might if you see what I mean!

A lot of people have been kind enough to comment on my lettering - which began as a sincere imitation of Teesha Moore's but I hope has now morphed into something more truly my own.  My besetting sin is to write in straight lines across the page, not to mention making all the letters the same size (its the neat freak/straightist in me) so I was making a determined effort to break out of that.  Look, I even put the word "drama" on the page at an angle!  Bet you're proud of me.

I'm SO pleased with the way the writing curves around and even overlaps an element - why can't I  do that all the time?  Guess it will take practice to persuade myself that random is good ...

But in the end the best part is how this page worked as therapy - expressing that I felt powerless helped me to deal with it, and made it OK to live with it.  If you really can't change something why waste your energy kicking against it, right?  Then having come to that acceptance .... just a few days after I made this the doors I'd been banging on suddenly opened, and everything changed.  Evidence for the existence of God I'd say .... :)

ENOUGH ... AND MORE THAN ENOUGH

 

Here's a journal page done in landscape format - for some reason (just habit probably) I almost always do vertical pages.  However, every now and then I go mad and turn the book sideways - just to prove to myself that I'm really a free-spirit maverick rule-breaker .....

What I did here was make a page - a background of neocolour crayons and some bits of collage - just for the FUN of it.  Easy to forget that's supposed to be what journalling is for, the fun and pleasure of it.  Sometimes I know I'm trying too hard to make pages which contain deep wisdom and extraordinary art .... who am I trying to kid?  Its just me reflecting, playing, drawing, getting insights down on paper that I either need to work through or keep for future reference.  That's it.  I don't have to make heirlooms for my children to inherit, and nobody has to see it except me unless I choose to share it.  Working this way you can just relax and enjoy the process ....

I liked those legs from a collage sheet (Cemerony I think) and they went with the pinky background too.  I seem to be psychologically incapable of not using colours that "go".  It took me years to discover that pink and orange together don't clash, they're absolutely gorgeous!

So anyway, I returned to this background at a time when I was thinking about the concept of "enough" which is a bit of an obsession of mine, and I might have mentioned it before (sorry if I have).  In a society obsessed with over-consumption how often do you hear somebody say "actually I've got enough stuff and don't need any more".  Revolutionary concept isn't it, and one I've been exploring for some time, particularly in these recessionary times.

Sometimes my arms hurt a lot so on this occasion I didn't want to get involved in lots of careful lettering, which can make my hand cramp.  Anyway for some reason I can't actually explain, even to myself, I just love old typewriter fonts, and like to use them often.  Try a free site like my favourite Dafont, you'll find loads, and I guarantee you can waste hours on there poring over all manner of delicious fonts.

Obviously it doesn't take long to type your thoughts and print them out, and I often use this technique of cutting the result into strips - I do it a lot in my scrapbooks, or on the Brave Girls truth cards I make sometimes.  It works really well, particularly if you outline the strips a bit to make them stand out - you might notice I've inked the edges of these, but you can equally just draw round them, or highlight one particular word for emphasis.

And then I just doodled around until the page looked finished!  That's one of the parts I like best.  It began with the wobbly white lines - wobbly because its SO much easier to make them deliberately wobbly rather than attempt to get them perfect.  So I drew wobbly lines and then decorated around them with dots.  Easy peasy.

And I do think that the idea of enough is an important one - particularly if you believe as I do that all you have is God's gift.  We spend/waste such a lot of our lives protecting and preserving our "stuff", when half the time we don't actually even need that much of it!  Daft isn't it?

MAKING A DIFFERENCE .....

I'm still challenging myself to love paint and this was a very painty background ... I even splodged it around with a baby wipe on this one!  The result was quite pleasing - a bit like a stormy sky perhaps - if somewhat darker than it was really meant to be!

Then I had a good rummage in my box of magazine clippings and came up with the "how to make a difference" headline, which seemed like a good theme.  Now you might wonder what the house is doing there, and so did I once I'd pasted it down.  It was the colours that were just perfect really, but I concluded eventually that it was also there because when you're talking about the simple things in life it always boils down to home, doesn't it?

The typewriter?  Well that's  just there because its blue I think, anyway I can't come up with any more complex explanation, I just liked it, and that's a good enough reason to put it in in my book!

So once again this is a page in which I'm pretty much thinking aloud.  Because I'm now disabled and not able to hold down a job it is a repeating theme of my life to wonder occasionally what I'm "for" and whether I can still make a difference in the world when I can't even get out there independently any more.

But as you can see I came to the conclusion that it isn't about big stuff like founding Child Line or walking through minefields like Princess Diana.  It's that "bloom where you're planted" thing - you may not be able to go out and touch thousands of lives, but you can touch the people you meet on a day by day basis, and you can make a difference to them just by having time to give, and being willing to listen ....  I don't get out of the house as much as I'd like to, but people ring me or find their way to my door, and that's fine by me.

And because this insight is a very simple truth its a relatively simple page.  I did think about doing lots of doodly bits but it just wasn't right here.  I might even do more simple pages.  Yes, I know, its not that likely to happen is it, given my propensity for drawing and doodling and filling in the spaces.  The leopard doesn't change her spots because she LIKES them ....... :)
Rosie

BLESSED BE .....

I've been making one of my spiritual pages again ... as you know, I do this from time to time.  At one stage I considered keeping a separate journal for this kind of work, but then it seemed to me that all my pages belong together - without differentiating between spiritual and more earthly concerns, or indeed the complaints I sometimes commit to paper!  It seemed artificial to have part of my life in a separate box, instead of putting everything into one.

So that's why I break out into this kind of page occasionally, as and when I feel moved to do so.  Which I must have done on this occasion, because some man on the TV had got on my nerves and started me off thinking how glad I've always been to be female.  I love it, I've always enjoyed being a woman (although there are some design faults I might take up with the Almighty one day) and want to celebrate that loudly and often.

All these thoughts reminded me of a wonderful modern Psalm, written by Janet Morley - this is only part of it but you can find the rest in her book called "All Desires Known" if you can find it anywhere: it is probably out of print now.  If you've been with me for a while you will also know that I relate very strongly to a female God (without denying the Father aspects).  God is neither of course, but this is one way of relating that I just happen to find particularly helpful.  Try it and see?

And that's why I ended up drawing another beautiful lady deity, because (idolatry aside) I like to picture God as very calm and serene, and it kind of goes without saying that she'd be beautiful.  I drew direct to paper with a waterproof fine liner pen, and then as you can see below began to add colour - most of it with Caran d'Ache crayons, but the face and hair have been done with Promarkers with the addition of a gold pen to highlight.

You will notice that at some stage I decided I didn't like the pink background and gave her a heavenly sky full of stars instead - much better!  The words speak for themselves I think, and go right to the heart of it for me ....

And although I'm still dotty about my husband, I've always needed women friends too.  I particularly like the part about delighting in their company - the sisters who've walked with me on my journey have been among the most precious things in my life, excepting only my man and our children.  It was nice to celebrate that ....

NOPE, I WOULDN'T TRADE ....

Here's me challenging myself to try new things again - I gessoed the page (still hate gesso for its chalkiness, but it does make a good base for paint) and pasted on some strips on text, then added paint on top, and a stamp made to look like bubble wrap.  I know, and its a double page too!  Positively revolutionary for me, must have been watching too many videos on You Tube ... 

Then I put in the headline text (cut from a newspaper) and went and had a coffee while I thought about what I wanted to say awhile.  I often surprise myself with what I come up with, but I've been banging on about this for years, it was just the right time to get it down on paper....

I get so frustrated by all the advertisements telling me I should want to look half my age, made incidentally using models who are very young photographed in soft focus!  As if.  I'm perfectly happy in my own grandmotherly skin, thank you - the lines on my face demonstrate a lifetime of laughter, and I'm not ashamed of any of them.  Sorry, I may get off my soapbox in a moment, but it IS true.  I look back to the low self-esteem, lacking in confidence young woman I was, and then at how my life's journey has formed and shaped me into somebody I'm (mostly) proud to have become.  I am undoubtedly still a work in progress but would not want to turn back the clock even if it could be offered.  The wisdom I have (often painfully) acquired is probably the most priceless thing I have.

Some of the seed heads on this are stamped, and the white ones were just drawn on to match.  The face is a Teesha Moore stamp.

Rosie

MAKE YOUR OWN COLLAGE SHEETS!

 

Am I a genius or what?  Yes, undoubtedly not, but I may get top marks for persistence at any rate.  Out of a magazine fell a delicious catalogue (on that wonderful new non-shiny paper you see a lot of lately) for rustic weathered furniture.  I couldn't afford the furniture but I loved all the colours, patterns and textures in the catalogue, and thats when I came up with the idea of turning these images into a home-made collage sheet.  You can see below what I did - I cut interesting sections out in strips and began pasting them onto a base sheet.

And this is the sheet when it was almost finished.  I was really pleased with how it was turning out.  The next step was to colour copy it (I have one of those print/scan/copy machines) and preserve the original, while cutting up the print into yet more strips.

And I could then use the strips to frame a black painted page I'd begun - the border looks great if I say so myself, and the slightly fed-up looking Modigliani lady just seemed to belong there.

I have discovered that my Posca Paint Pen works best on an acrylic paint surface - its not good at all on top of the Caran D'Ache crayons - so I used this to write the simple message.  As always I just concentrate on getting the words down and go back to fancy up the lettering later.

As you can see below - I basically thicken up the letters and add doodly, curly bits to each letter.  I'm also training myself not to write in such straight lines with equally sized lettering - not always successfully I might add!  Did I mention that I am good at perseverance?

So anyway, this is the finished page - very simple and quick, but it says what I wanted to get down and I rather like the simplicity of it for a change.  Perhaps I just wasn't in a very doodly mood that day?

I hope you might feel encouraged to have a go at making your own collage sheets - there's so much (free!) material out there that you could use, all you have to do is identify colours, patterns and shapes that catch your eye.  My next project is going to be a collage sheet made entirely of lettering - for which I am mining newspapers (including the free local property newsletter, printed on more of that lovely matte paper).

Happy Easter everyone, and hope it is joyful, peaceful and happy for you all .....
Rosie

JUST WHAT THE SHRINK ORDERED ...

I found this headline in one of the papers I regularly mine for possible material, and just couldn't resist using it!  (This is actually a page from last year that I haven't blogged yet).

Usual background of Caran d'Ache crayons plus the headline, and a stamp of a man who looks like a shrink (well I think he does).  It actually stayed like this for quite a few weeks, and then the rest came to me ....

I read this study that demonstrated how being totally absorbed in a hobby like crafting is really good for you and releases happy hormones!  We could have told them that, right?  For me it refreshes the parts other activities don't reach.

I've often wondered how people can live without a passion?  No not that kind, but some absorbing interest you can get really enthusiastic about, like following your team, collecting stamps, or crafting.  I can never WAIT to stop doing what I should be doing, and start doing my art instead!  Its not like that for everyone and I can't help thinking that for people who don't have an absorbing hobby life must be a bit .... well monotonous?  With my disability it just about saved  my life when I realised that my working life was over - if I hadn't been able to throw myself into making stuff I might have gone under.

I always tell people that when I was young I spent all my spare money on clothes, but now I dress from charity shops and supermarkets and spend all my spare cash (and some that probably isn't) on craft stuff.  But the pleasure it gives me is simply priceless ... and just look at all these j ournals and scrapbooks my grateful children will inherit!  Yeah, right.  I rather hope they might keep one or two anyway ...

The flying pigs are a stamp (who could resist) but pretty much everything else is drawn/doodled.  Have I mentioned that I rather enjoy doing that?

PS Any similarity in colour scheme between this and the page I blogged last week is entirely coincidental, they were made about a year apart!

A BETTER MOTHER?

I made this page because some of my recent encounters with my (now grown and flown) daughters have been nothing short of wonderful, and I was full of a need to record how proud I am of them.

I had already made a simple background with Caran d'Ache crayons and added these Washi Tapes and one or two other bits and bobs, including this wonderful picture of a little girl.  She reminds me so strongly of my youngest daughter ... I think its the way her bottom lip sticks out!

And then I simply wrote down what I was feeling - I am trying not to be such a straightist so although I did write in more or less straight lines, I did make the lettering lots of different sizes, which is progress for me!

It didn't take much to finish the page off, just a few extra touches of shading and the obligatory decorative dots!  Well you've got to have those.  I suppose this is quite a simple page, but then it was a fairly simple thought.  I did worry a lot about being a good mother (mine was awful) when they were little, and then I came across the concept of a good-enough mother, which liberated me from trying too hard.  I made lots of mistakes but can only believe now that I did some things right as well!

I find it exciting that I've just started work in this, my 7th journal.  Hard to believe I've been journalling away since August 2010, and since I discovered it have only occasionally done anything else!  My journals come with a white gesso cover which allows me to decorate each one differently.  This one was painted metallic black (I was in a slightly steampunk mode at the time) and I added metal effect studs and hinges, with a Tim Holtz plaque to finish it off.  I always tie ribbons and all manner of bits and bobs to the journal spine, including a numbered tag.  I used to date my pages but don't bother now, but I do make a  note on the inside cover when I began and when I finished.

And here are the other six sitting on my shelf!  I love going back to them and musing over the journey I've made, and how far I've come (or indeed not come).  I feel incredibly fortunate to have discovered this wonderful art form which fits me to a T (although I do still sew, scrapbook etc etc), and it gives me much joy and delight to share them with you ....

Rosie

REDHEAD?

I finally made a page about something that has irritated me all my life - I'm one of five children and most of the others have red hair, real carrot tops.  Not me, mine is so dark as to be almost black ... although there are some advantages, in that even as a grandmother there is very little grey in it.  Apparently my grandfather (from whom I inherited my colouring) was exactly the same.

Anyway, I was trying to be brave and work outside my comfort zone again, getting out paint and stencils ...  WHY doesn't this feel remotely natural to me, its not as if I don't like the results! Who can say why something lights your fire and something else doesn't?  I think the paint thing is probably to do with the fact that I prefer watercolour, but I've got a huge stash of acrylics that I feel obliged to use up ...

I'd cut out this picture from a magazine just knowing that I could do something with it, and so enthusiastic was I that I forgot to take pictures of the stages between the above and below images.  Ah well, you may be unsurprised to learn that I'm not actually perfect ... except in the cat's eyes.  OK, not even in his.

I have been challenging myself not to write in straight lines, or make all my letters the same size, and do seem to have achieved that here.  I admit it, I'm a straightist, and yes I do straighten pictures.  Sigh.  Another challenge was not to be scared of empty space (I have had a tendency to fill every inch with doodles and decorations).

Anyway, there it is, and I not only feel better for getting that grumble off my chest but actually (if I'm being scrupulously honest) I now realise that I rather like my hair just as it is.  Oh the joys of getting older and being (almost) entirely comfortable in your own skin ... I recommend it! :)

Fed Up? Oh you betcha .....

This page was prompted by the vote on Women Bishops being lost here in the UK ... I was shocked by the result because I really thought we would get it, in fact I was confident, even though I knew it was likely to be close.  Its clear now, some time later, that the result owed a lot to the fact that people who were in favour of women in the episcopate felt they had to vote against a bad piece of legislation, which I DO understand.  Its just that at the time I was SO blooming cross ....

That's why I made a page about it - well that's what keeping an art journal is for, right?  To work out difficult stuff as well as celebrate and record better stuff.  This is a background made with my trusty Caran d'Ache crayons ... and its only now that I wonder if it looks vaguely gynaecological?  Just me then ...

This set of (clear) typewriter stamps have been in my stash for some time, but I've only ever used them on scrapbook layouts.  For some reason it felt right to use them here - maybe I didn't trust myself to do tidy writing when I wanted to explode?  Could be, although maybe wobbly angry writing could have spoken volumes ...

Then I started to do all the twiddly bits of writing and decorating.  I like using this Stampotique head, it represents me when I'm not exactly at my best!  Anyway, like me, I think she has a certain freakish charm ...

And as you can see I got all sorts of stuff off my chest and had fun doing it too.  Where would I be without my journal, I honestly think I'd go (even more) bonkers without it, so quickly has it become an absolutely essential part of my life.  I work in it pretty much every day, and feel a bit odd when I don't, even if its just to paint a background or something.  After a few early experiments I first started
keeping a proper journal in August 2010, and have now filled six, and am just starting out on the seventh.

I love seeing them all on the shelf, with lots of ribbons and all manner of stuff tied onto the spiral bindings, not to mention each having a little tag with the number.  I use the blank journals which have a plain white gesso cover, so each one is decorated differently and individually.

I rather like this page, it records some genuine pain and anger that it will be instructive to look back on ... and I'm hopeful that this summer will see some new (and much improved) legislation put to the vote.  Come ON sisters!!

JUST BREATHE .....

If you're a regular visitor here you may notice something unusual about this page?  Its got lots of empty space, which is not like me at all!  Generally I fill every corner with bits of writing and doodling, but not this time ....

It started out like this ... a background made with Caran d'Ache crayons with a little bit of pink ink dabbed through a stencil.  Then I drew some strange, almost organic shapes (was my brain still thinking about arteries and body parts like the other week)??  Dunno really, who knows what goes on in there, I don't even remember most of it!

The black lines were done with a Promarker - I like doing wobbly thicknesses like this, and anyway if I tried to make them all neat, of equal thickness and regular I'd never do it!  If wobbles are inevitable why not make an artistic feature of them?  Then I wrote  "breathe slowly" - and its funny how I didn't know that I needed to do so until those words appeared on the page - my journalling is often intuitive like that.  It felt like I was getting a message from Herself upstairs, especially when the other words turned up.

I do have a bit of a tendency to worry about stuff, instead of handing it over and saying "I can't deal with this, but I know you can", but I think (I hope) I'm getting better at it.  A bit more writing (in my own handwriting yet!) and it was done.  No more words, message received and understood.

Obviously I couldn't resist doing a few dotty decorations, but even these were restrained by my usual standards, and I was quite comfortable with the empty space.  Actually I've been looking at journal pages on Pinterest recently, and noticed that some of the ones I liked the best were very clean and simple.  You wouldn't normally describe my pages that way - another message from Herself?  It may have been divinely inspired, or (possibly more likely) I was in a funny mood.  Whatever.   I like it though!

PS I've just noticed that my visitors have passed the 10,000 mark - and that's with a reset from 0 when for some reason I lost the blog counter!  I'm awed and amazed.  Thank you for coming by.

A BIT CONFUSED ....

This was one of the times when I made a (Caran d'Ache crayon) background and then didn't know what to do with it - I sometimes  just make something/anything for when inspiration strikes!  Anyway it was some days later than I finally sat down in front of this and that's when I drew these branching lines with a Promarker pen, which write really well over the crayon surface.  I had some vague idea about branching arteries in my head, but in the end that's not what it turned out to be about!

And that's why I titled this entry "a bit confused" because I was - I think!  There seemed to be a lot of random stuff going on in my life, and I was trying to make sense of it.  Because I believe in the interconnectedness of all things, I never assume that things are truly random, and am always looking for patterns.

I've often preached about life as a great tapestry - think of the work of Kaffe Fassett, a brilliant explosion of colour and pattern.  When you can only see your own small corner of the tapestry, you might not even have all the colours it contains, let alone see how the pattern works, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.  So I talk about God as a kind of masterweaver ... the only one who can see the whole pattern, knows how it works and how individual warp and weft threads relate to one another.  That's kind of what I was thinking about here - I couldn't see the patterns in my own life, but I was convinced they were there.  I might never get to know how my words or actions contribute to the whole, but will have to trust that they do ....

You may also detect that I've been exploring zentangle doodling again ... (that's those black and white patterns in some of the spaces).  It isn't half fun to do, and the complex patterns seemed to illustrate something of what I was thinking about.

I spend quite a lot of time "a bit confused", but overall I know the pattern is there, that I'm a necessary and unique part of it, and most of all (despite or even because of me) it is beautiful ....