Friday, 29 June 2012
Friday, 22 June 2012
I'm actually really pleased with this - in that I succeeded in putting down what was in my heart - which is not always the case. This week I've torn out one page I was starting to dislike and gessoed over another, but you never get to see those! I particularly like the way the yellow centre "glows" around the shrine shapes which works even better than I thought it would.
As for the sentiment - keep on remembering that you are a Goddess with a spark of the divine in you. Easy to forget at times ... but still true. I should know, I'm one myself.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
The background for this page represents a bold step for me - I not only started a double spread but I actually got out the ink sprays that I never use, and squirted them around liberally! It did make a pretty awful MESS of my desk, and a lot more stuff ended up green than I really wanted, but I was quite pleased by the result. If I can figure out how not to spread the ink around quite as generously I might even do it again - I did cover up the central spine with masking tape, and that part worked well.
Turns out that I have a MEAN streak and that my primary emotion (even though I emailed back immediately to say how marvellous etc) was to feel ... well, just a teensy weensy bit jealous. OK I admit it, green with envy would be nearer the mark. So I confessed all to my journal, which actually made me feel a bit better!
Through this confessional process I got my inner child shoved back in her box and finished off the pages with wiggly lines in fine black, white, and silver pens. Doodling away is when I'm happiest, just decorating with no particular direction in mind ... its soothing really, a bit like colouring when you're little?
Anyway, I did eventually manage to be genuinely glad that my clever friend writes books that get published even though mine don't. I have a lot of other things to be thankful for, its just that its hard to remember that ALL of the time.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
I'd put the numbers because my original idea was for a page to do with counting the days of my life and making them all count, but somehow it didn't turn out like that! Ever had that happen? It does to me, a LOT, or maybe I'm just an easily distracted airhead? Perfectly possible ...
Anyway, as you can see I ended up writing "do what you can" on this page. I didn't mean to but this is what popped out, and I always go with that feeling. If something wants to come out its better to let it, right? Go with the flow as they say.
Of course the woman in the window represents me - always looking out for the next thing (and worrying about it), and forgetting to live fully in the present. That's the message to myself - you don't have to wait for circumstances to be exactly right; just have a go, dive in anyway!!
Friday, 8 June 2012
I make no bones about this being a "cri de coeur" because I can only journal about what's on my heart and mind, and right now there's only one thing filling all the space in my life - and that is whether we continue with my MIL living with us or take the next step into residential care. If I can't express my feelings honestly, however raw, in my journal then I'm doing it wrong! I choose to publish much of it in the hope that my struggles might just illuminate someone else's path.
This whole issue is a minefield and a very steep learning curve - did you know that most care homes require top-up fees because the government will not pay enough to cover the true costs of care? I know this decision is hard for everyone who goes through it, but right now I feel besieged and bewildered ... so obviously I journalled about it. Having said that, there have been whole weeks lately when I haven't touched my journal at all ... and believe me that's VERY unusual, and a measure of my distress.
I'm pleased with this - it says everything I wanted to express, and reading it again reminds me that these are the important issues, almost everything else is relatively unimportant (as in what our children think about it all). We are the ones at the coalface, so we are the ones who get to decide. Sorry, don't mean to preach. Good job God's still listening ..... she's good like that!