CAN'T SEE CLEARLY ....

  

If this looks a little bit difficult to see or foggy or whatever, then its deliberate!  I could have used black for the writing but chose to use grey, which doesn't show up as well, and that kind of fits with the theme.

I sort of knew where I was going with this - I knew the page would be about struggling to see and have an eye at the centre.  I found this one on Google Images and really liked it!

I did colour the eye a bit - it started life black and white - and began to add the writing.  I had to add up the letters and spaces in what I wanted to say, to work out where the centre should be.  Didn't work out exactly but close enough.

And then because it was pretty much finished and I hadn't the mental or emotional energy to do much more, the page was completed using dots in grey and white. Its a very calming, meditative process, and you can see just how much difference something so small can make - and anybody can manage dots, even if you don't think you're particularly "artistic".

Both the page and the post are simple because its all I can manage right now.  Himself has to have his bladder removed and a stoma made, and probably chemotherapy as well.  We thought we were braced for this possibility, but it turns out you simply can't be, so it feels like being hit by a truck, or several of them.  Oh yes, and we have to move house in less than a month.  However, we're surrounded by kind friends and family, all willing volunteers to do whatever is needful.  There is also a calm place in the centre where God is, and we know she's in charge of where this goes.

ANOTHER COUNTRY ....

 

Sorry I was absent without leave last week - the page I made during that period speaks for itself.  In fact this is the only page I made during the past two weeks, when I generally average 3 or 4 in that time.

I'm not going to undertake an explanation of how it came together because the pictures pretty much speak for themselves, as do the words.

I'd probably be coping better if we weren't also trying to organise ourselves to move house in a couple of months, but we're getting there in little steps.  Its also strange to go from being a cared for person to trying to do the caring - basically we support each other, and some things we can't do even between us!!

But we're doing OK and next week go for the follow up appointment post surgery, at which we'll find out about the plans for chemo etc.  So far so good, but it helps so much to have my journal to explore and put down my feelings.  Cheaper than therapy too!

JEWELS ....

 

I wrote last week about a close family member with a possible cancer diagnosis.  It was my husband, and earlier this week he had surgery to remove a tumour, and is now home recovering.  It all came completely out of nowhere (and it was very lucky that the problem was spotted),  just as we are planning to retire in the next few months.  The prognosis is good so (most of the time) I'm not scared about the future, but it has taught me that I must not take anything for granted and just treasure all the time we have together!

So in very serious and reflective mode this page began with a coat of cheering pink paint and some basic collage.  I always tell people that I don't really do fancy backgrounds - they aren't necessary if you're going to cover everything up the way I do.

I gradually laid down more bits of blue collage, and when that was done used a black Posca pen to provide a strong outline, and a white one for some doodling.

Having no idea where this was going, I then doodled some more  - the dangly "jewels" were inspired by a bead curtain I saw the other day.  The other doodled sections were added because I was trying to escape from my usual "border around a rectangle" style.

I've been wanting to improve my drawing of faces lately, so I painted a simple ivory face shape in the corner, added hair with a Posca paint marker, and took in from there in terms of adding colour and shading.

Since she probably represents a (younger) me, in the end I could only write what was going on in my head that day - which was and is a determination that from now on nothing will be taken for granted and I will joyfully celebrate every moment I can with the man who has walked beside me for more than 40 years .....

You truly never know what lies around the corner, and life comes with no guarantees.  That's one of those things you know but don't really BELIEVE until it comes to you.  Six weeks of chemo lie ahead to be got through, and shortly after that we'll be moving to our retirement flat.  I hope the days we spend there, however many we are given, will all be jewels ....