Sunday, 15 March 2015



This page is an exploration of pain really - someone who used to be a very close friend and very special to me doesn't really seem to have time for me any more.  I know its hard that she has to come to me because I can't drive now, and getting on the bus is too much for me, but I thought there were still lots of way for us to connect.  It seems I may have been wrong, at least for her, and this was me working out my feelings of sadness and some anger about a friendship that seems to be ending because I can't do things any more.

The vivid colours I chose may have had more to do with anger and disappointment,than anything else, but are also to do with strongly asserting that I am still ME, and I thought I was valued for that and not for the things I could DO?  I took this picture to show how Neocolour II crayons look before and after you put water on them - just a slightly wet paintbrush.  It looks like wax crayon scribbles and then dissolves into intense colours - alchemy!
And then with the colour blocks laid down I began the infinitely enjoyable process of adding doodly details - initially in the corners.  These are done with Posca paint pens, which are opaque over pretty much any background.
Then I began to add bits of collage - most of these are from colour copies of old journal pages, cut out with a circle punch.  The Modigliani lady is sort of meant to be me, although I am thinner in my imagination than in reality!
And then below you can see how the things on my heart were poured out onto the page .... so that I moved from feeling angry and let down to a deep sadness at what what is being lost.  However she has the right to choose that this isn't right for her any more, and I must have the grace to let go.  In time I may come to celebrate the good times we've had, but right now I haven't got to that place.
And as always getting it out robs the issue of most of its power to cause pain and hurt, and seeing it set out on the page you can begin the process of letting go.  So then I just had fun with the doodly dots, which is an almost meditative process guaranteed to soothe even the most bruised heart.
It pains me to say that I can't be or do most of what I used to, but the process of losing those things has also been a process of inner growth and strength which I believe (hope) has made me a better person.  And its because of that I can let go of something which may simply have had its time.  Well, that's a work in progress for now.


Beacee said...

Oh Rosie! A big hug for you.
I know the pain of losing friends when ME/CFS limited my ability to do everything I wanted. It's not easy. It makes committing to new friendships difficult too.
Love and prayers,
Barbara xxxx

alexa said...

A very strong page, Rosie, in colours and words - and I am sad that this friendship seems to be shifting its shape for you right now. Your Modigliani lady looks thoughtful - but steady too.

jinxxxygirl said...

Love your page Rosie. I've had friends come and go in my life... some for no reason at all ... our lives just took different paths... Maybe you needed to make room for a new friend just over the horizon ?

Hubby and i had a couple that we spent alot of time with... Went camping together, suppers and game nights and just were really close..or so we thought. They moved to Minnesota (we were in Tx) for a job opportunity and we talked a couple times on the phone .. i wrote a few letters then nothing... no explanation either... i think thats the hard part... no reason behind it... anyway... time does heal my friend just be open to what comes your way. Hugs! deb

Debs M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debs M said...

Very sad but a very strong page - x

viv said...

Rosie, I so sympathise with you. ME can be so isolating. I do wish I could get to see you but I don't drive now. Perhaps soooon :)

Your page is brilliant I love the colours. I know they are angry but I also find them exhilarating.

Marylaure said...

tu es une belle personne !
et ta page est magnifique !
j'aimerais que ce message te transmette les ondes positives pour t'aider!
continue, ne lâche rien et tu gagneras !