Regular readers will know that I've been worrying myself to death over my Beloved's cancer diagnosis - like you do really, normal behaviour I guess. A day came when I wanted to take back control, to say I'm tired of bursting into tears or waking up in the night to fret. I found a tiny piece of collage with the words "and suddenly she knew" and it set off a train of thought in what seemed like the right direction.
Part of what I wanted and needed to get down on paper was the idea of toughening up and fighting BACK, instead of being such a wimp. So, having painted a simple background and border, I found this face among my collage stuff and fancied her up a little bit, adding the words to her head. She began to look more like a woman who could and would stand up for herself.
This woman is definitely no wimp, she wouldn't waste time creeping off to have a good sniff and worry about the future, she'd put her shoulder to the wheel and get this done! I wrote the words out in big lettering and gave her some hair - or maybe its a hat? She doesn't care. The "caution" tape seemed to belong with this girl who doesn't take any nonsense, so you'd better approach with caution! Then of course I had to answer the question - what is it she knows?
And the answer was - why fret over something you can't change? Just get on with it. I began to add bands of bright colour at least in part as a statement of strength and resilience - you start with wobbly lines and just sort of doodle inside them. That sounds like a metaphor for transforming from wobbly to strong doesn't it?
At which point the doodling took over, as it so often does. I love that part because is meditative and reflective, and its easy to get carried away and over-decorate. Hope I didn't this time ...
So there she is, representing my brave inner self, who has dug her heels in and said "get over it and lets just DO this". Crying won't make anything better but being strong and determined just might. This girl gets things done, doesn't put up with any crap, and manages change - all of which I can and will do, because now I'm not going to be pushed around by fear any more, I'm going to stand up to it.
Himself has finished chemo and now has a month in which to recuperate before the surgery. He's so much better already, its lovely seeing him get his energy back. Sorry I didn't post over Christmas, I kept meaning to, but I was having such a nice time with my family around me that I just never got around to it.
PS Thank you SO much for all the responses to my last post - it did me no end of good to realise how many of you are out there and enjoying my work.
3 comments:
Oh, what a lovely, inspiring post and beautiful piece of artwork! As soon as I saw her, I was reminded of one of those intrepid young women in their flying helmets breaking records in a man's world - and not taking any crap! More power to your elbow, as my Granny used to say. Sending warmest good wishes to you both for 2016.
Lovely to have you back! New year blessings to you and to himself - may it be a good one for you both. My word for the year is change - yet it seems difficult to change very much at the moment. Perhaps it is just a case of recognizing what can and can't be changed and just getting on with it. Your page gives me inspiration.
Love and prayers for you both, Barbara x
Having had breast cancer, Rosie, I know a little of what you are on about here.
I learned never to presume that things are going to turn out bad - even if it is cancer.
Now my motto is to Keep calm, keep focussed and above all Keep going!
And more often than not the going is actually getting out of the front door and on to the bus or train . . .
I hope too that having celebrated Christmas in your new home, it will feel a bit more like home now.
Lots of love and thanks as ever.
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