Wednesday, 12 September 2018

SMALL THINGS ...

Not for the first time, I encountered that quote from Mother Teresa "do small things with great love".  It came (probably not a coincidence) at a time when I was frustrated by my inability to do anything very much, from a feeling that I wasn't GIVING, wasn't making a difference in the world.  Mother Teresa also said "Let's do something beautiful for God" and when I was ordained priest that's what I believed I was called to.  I already had Fibromyalgia even then, and didn't (couldn't) see how that would come to shape the life I was able to live and the things I was able to give.  I thought back then that God had called me for my strength, but it turned out to be in my weakness that she could most powerfully use me ...

Trying to express this positive truth into my temporary darkness was worked out as ever through my journal.  Pink is my happy colour so that's where I began.  The big bloom is the person I always hoped I might be ...
But as my life went on my ability to "bloom" (in my own terms, not to mention pride and vanity) got smaller and smaller ...
 Until I felt like the small and unregarded person in the corner ...
But that small person and that small life turned out to have greater power to touch people and make a difference than the strong woman I liked to imagine I was ever could.
So here is my celebration of the woman I am now: more understanding of and gentle with my own frailties ... and therefore with those of others, and able to reach into the dark places people inhabit because I have been there myself.  And still visit that place sometimes.

It has been a battle long fought and hard won, and there are still days when I WISH it could be different.  But I do believe I am where I'm meant to be and giving/sharing my particular gifts ... even from my (pink) wheelchair!

4 comments:

Dawn said...

I think Mother Teresa was an amazing woman. My favourite quote has to be 'God never gives you more than you can handle'. The only thing is with fibro that that amount gets less the longer you have fibro xx

jenclair said...

A lovely and heartfelt post--I'm sure many will recognize these feelings.

Elizabeth said...

So true.. very lovely done

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