SOUNDS ALL TOO TRUE ....

This is my failsafe Christmas recipe, guaranteed to cheer the heart at this festive season ....

A Christmas Cake Ingredients: * 2 cups flour * 1 stick butter * 1 cup of water * 1 tsp baking soda * 1 cup of sugar * 1 tsp salt * 1 cup of brown sugar * Lemon juice * 4 large eggs * Nuts * 1 bottle Brandy * 2 cups of dried fruit Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy and wipe counter with the cat. Bingle Jells!