ENOUGH ALREADY ....

This page began as one of the swirly layered backgrounds I make with my Caran d'Ache crayons, and the colour combination came about because of a fabric which caught my eye.  Funny where inspiration comes from isn't it?  I originally envisaged this as portrait (most of my pages are) but when I came to work on the page it just told me I had to use it sideways.  Well you know what I mean!  It began with this simple statement.

I make no bones about this being a "cri de coeur" because I can only journal about what's on my heart and mind, and right now there's only one thing filling all the space in my life - and that is whether we continue with my MIL living with us or take the next step into residential care. If I can't express my feelings honestly, however raw, in my journal then I'm doing it wrong!  I choose to publish much of it in the hope that my struggles might just illuminate someone else's path.

This whole issue is a minefield and a very steep learning curve - did you know that most care homes require top-up fees because the government will not pay enough to cover the true costs of care?   I know this decision is hard for everyone who goes through it, but right now I feel besieged and bewildered ... so obviously I journalled about it.  Having said that, there have been whole weeks lately when I haven't touched my journal at all ... and believe me that's VERY unusual, and a measure of my distress.

Then I added more writing (using a Purple Promarker and an extra fine nib) and some refinement of the colour layers using more Promarkers.  What I've written feels very defensive now I read it again, but I think thats an accurate reflection of where I'm at - our children aren't taking this well and as a result DH and I feel seriously unsupported.  Luckily we have friends who are with us in this journey.

Now you will recognise that this page is relatively simple and bare (for me that is) but that's because having spoken my truth there is no more to say.  Enough in fact.  Ah, but then comes my favourite part, which is adding all the doodly bits.  As ever the trusty white pen and more Promarkers feature heavily.

I'm pleased with this - it says everything I wanted to express, and reading it again reminds me that these are the important issues, almost everything else is relatively unimportant (as in what our children think about it all).  We are the ones at the coalface, so we are the ones who get to decide.  Sorry, don't mean to preach.  Good job God's still listening ..... she's good like that!