tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54314010668141361032024-03-11T03:23:45.484+00:00Rosie's Arty StuffArt journals and the Meaning of Life ...Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.comBlogger704125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-50076397193128271772019-09-24T11:59:00.002+01:002019-09-24T11:59:35.600+01:00I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST POST ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Sorry for my long absence but this is literally the only page I've managed in the six weeks since our house move. In that time I've been thinking that I might choose to put my pages up on Pinterest rather than maintain this blog, which seems to me to have reached the end of the road.<br />
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I'll leave it here and see how it goes. If lots of people protest and say "no! keep the blog going" then I might ... but lets wait and see.<br />
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The move went great, we're thrilled with our new home. Its lovely to be in a village community again and our neighbours are wonderful. Couldn't ask for more.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-7625274752308047502019-08-10T19:04:00.000+01:002019-08-10T19:07:11.508+01:00WORRY LESS, LOVE MORE ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="text-align: left;">You must be imagining me safely moved by now, but no not yet! It all happens next week, in 3 days time, but I was so ashamed to realise that its been 4 weeks since I posted that I wanted to try and share one of the very few pages I've made in this period. The title speaks for itself as we have lurched from "it will be complete by the end of the week", to "not for another 2 weeks". "We should have the safety certificates any day" ... but them not arriving for another 10 days. You get the idea. I've just had to let go of worrying about what was outside of my control, and steadily prepare without panicking, and trusting God that (eventually) all would be well. Which it is.</span></div>
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So very quickly - simple painted background and a bit of collage, plus a face I drew. There always has to be a face or something human on my pages - it sort of represents me even though it might not actually BE me.<br />
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Lovely fun with collage pieces then adding the outline and shadow edges. At this stage it just sort of stood still for a few days.<br />
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And then the words came out of my heart and onto the page, along with all the doodly details I so much enjoy adding.<br />
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Sorry this is more than a little sketchy, but its a post from the dark hinterland of about to move house. I'm writing this on Saturday night, then we're over to the new house tomorrow trying to do useful things like put up curtain rails and bathroom fittings. After that comes a meeting with the Occupational Therapist to decide how and where to add ramps, grab rails, and all the other things that make life possible and safe. Monday morning the removals company come to pack all our worldly goods, and Tuesday they get transported from Southport to Freckleton.<br />
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Heaven knows when my craft stuff will get unpacked but eventually it'll happen, and I WILL be back!<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-25923667249305731022019-07-13T11:09:00.000+01:002019-07-24T10:03:55.389+01:00WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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My apologies, I have been SO caught up with our impending house move that I genuinely didn't realise I had allowed almost a month to go by without posting. Where does the time go? I am still working in my art journal but a lot of other stuff is calling on my attention, so I'm not producing pages or finding time to reflect as much as I would like. Further apologies in advance but we hope to move in about 2 weeks time, so if I'm not here that will be why!!<br />
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This page arose out of the place we find ourselves - which is preparing to move on AGAIN. Just when we though we were settled here. It has made me look back over the journey of our life this far and how very unplanned it has mostly been, and yet how right each place has seemed at the time. I hope and trust that this move will be the same.<br />
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So I began with a painted background as usual, and then was thinking about pathways and branching off paths in unexpected directions which (I think) is how I ended up with what looks a bit like a road with roundabouts? OK just me then.<br />
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The page got stuck here for a good 10 days, and then one day I just wrote what was in my heart. I think I was feeling scared and unsure if we were really doing the right thing, but really I AM sure, I just needed to remind myself of that! Everyone has their wobbly days, and there have been quite a few around here.<br />
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Shortness of time meant that finishing the page with doodles and drawings didn't quite happen, but it feels complete anyway.<br />
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I will try to post again before we move but realistically I probably won't get around to it, so see you on the other side!! If our last move is anything to go by, other rooms will take priority in the unpacking process - you know, food, sleep, that kind of thing - so it may be a while before all my craft stuff gets unpacked and organised.<br />
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Your prayers would be appreciated - moving house is always stressful, and that makes pain and fatigue worse, so I am trusting in God that I'll get through this. Freckleton here we come!!<br />
Rosie<br />
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Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-63612799440621897582019-06-20T09:47:00.000+01:002019-06-20T09:47:08.372+01:00HERE AM I - SEND ME<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In the Church of England, ordinations take place at Petertide in the summer months, and I've attended some recent anniversaries of the ordinations of the very first women to be priests. It brings it all back, the struggle first to be ordained at all and then over many years to be accepted ... and then one Sunday in church recently this was the reading from Isaiah 6. This is always read at ordinations, and I was chosen to read it in Carlisle Cathedral at my own, so it has always had special resonance for me.<br />
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In the days before that Sunday I was working on this page, not knowing where it was going (as is so often the case). Over a painted background I was putting down collage, in the case of the pieces top left and right they were pieces colour copied from older journals. Its good to recycle!<br />
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I have been trying to get away from my default position of simply putting a frame around a page, so this was what resulted from those efforts. Then the page got "stuck", both through the intrusion of Real Life and just not knowing what it was meant to say. <br />
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Then after I'd heard that Sunday reading I came home and wrote these words on the page - something responded to so many years ago ... and yet also particularly relevant right now when a new sense of calling prompts us to be moving on when we'd imagined ourselves settled here to the end of our days! <br />
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So it was important to be reminded that, retired or not, in sickness and in health, and at (nearly) 65, God's unexpected beckoning finger can still call you into change and new experiences. We're ready to go once we have a completion date for the new property, and in the meantime very busy organising the 90th birthday celebrations for my darling mum in law, and helping a very dear friend make the difficult transition from independent living into a care home. <br />
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Lots to keep me busy and make me extra tired, so forgive me if in the coming weeks I am more absent than present here. By the Autumn we hope to be well settled in our new home and life, and back to blogging more than occasionally!<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-26256257329568713212019-06-04T17:12:00.001+01:002019-06-04T17:12:39.830+01:00STAYING HOME ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsY-eQsE1cKt-RuBRWTbZOPqPCtG13JQXFHokHz9hxlZhDCHm43kJm27PRKyzM9KNKFH-ldWnMW0ASSl79rst0XP5yNlA-XB1KLpR2k-nyqSuZNH7u4YDbz2vD8Wfr9wB6TCVTsGVHR-1/s1600/Staying+Home+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="770" data-original-width="751" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsY-eQsE1cKt-RuBRWTbZOPqPCtG13JQXFHokHz9hxlZhDCHm43kJm27PRKyzM9KNKFH-ldWnMW0ASSl79rst0XP5yNlA-XB1KLpR2k-nyqSuZNH7u4YDbz2vD8Wfr9wB6TCVTsGVHR-1/s400/Staying+Home+4.jpg" width="390" /></a></div>
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Having to stay home and rest doesn't necessarily mean I'm not doing anything (as many people seem to imagine). My interior life is a lot more lively than my social life, and just as well because without it I would definitely be stir crazy.<br />
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A painted background using 3 shades of acrylic paint in yellow/orange, getting some texture with baby wipes and scrubbing with an old paint brush. I love these burnt orange tones - as you might have noticed if you follow my work regularly!<br />
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So the Modigliani lady in the orange sweater really just belonged on this page, and then I found some tissue paper with script on it which I absolutely loved, so pasted that down too. Originally it didn't show very well against the background so I put a thin black line around it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRpsnUw3fd-F0bdt_dhIFrZRh1outmTXNod1cY3S5UWHrgBjzBsxBv0Uf-lyDbtB4Fyw-gqIvD5FJN3eHGZVaE4dMpX9bacQldh8vFG_dZhhwV0bp7oSXPsY74gwZfBXDPK9sA4sjwic2I/s1600/Staying+Home+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="802" data-original-width="755" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRpsnUw3fd-F0bdt_dhIFrZRh1outmTXNod1cY3S5UWHrgBjzBsxBv0Uf-lyDbtB4Fyw-gqIvD5FJN3eHGZVaE4dMpX9bacQldh8vFG_dZhhwV0bp7oSXPsY74gwZfBXDPK9sA4sjwic2I/s320/Staying+Home+2.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
The torn edges of the tissue made nice shapes on the page so I added collage using the same wavy forms, just having fun finding colours and textures that seemed to belong there. This was another occasion when I had no idea what I wanted to say at this stage ... which is wonderfully freeing because you can just "go with the flow".<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrPVb89EywTkpf2BkgayTt1BArhkbpNPfsYoK91aruiUk0YrA25ZxpNJ9f_ee2oqhDjBfEOvsM6HKHWpbnzKqXShAHu3yjkgerVOFeFe1vZtydyl3U6kEXgEfz58RArqVoSOa0Q_IYre-n/s1600/Staying+Home+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="819" data-original-width="792" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrPVb89EywTkpf2BkgayTt1BArhkbpNPfsYoK91aruiUk0YrA25ZxpNJ9f_ee2oqhDjBfEOvsM6HKHWpbnzKqXShAHu3yjkgerVOFeFe1vZtydyl3U6kEXgEfz58RArqVoSOa0Q_IYre-n/s320/Staying+Home+3.jpg" width="309" /></a></div>
The words came because I looked at this lady and wondered if she was just staring into space or thinking. I decided that, like me, her thoughts were far away but purposeful - perhaps reflecting on something or someone, praying for some need, whatever - the point is that she isn't just sitting there any more than I am on a rest day! That is what I tell myself, so please don't argue!<br />
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This is a relatively simple page but it says what I needed to say and the colours bring me joy. That's kind of the whole point of art journalling isn't it?<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-6707344383481376292019-05-10T17:34:00.000+01:002019-05-10T17:34:07.465+01:00LET GO ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDONPJTd-vNmvEVKku8ufwhFwYQg_FUKcJqcEiD_xeg_rzifPbGZ2wPe5nvaEqWluIkSyf_8TjDDssvv2i-8vG0cLcQCCuXbplPSsYgOYnBiWYbEYc1J63PaPzfsz02aKzJfMMMU_MyXQC/s1600/Turquoise+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="830" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDONPJTd-vNmvEVKku8ufwhFwYQg_FUKcJqcEiD_xeg_rzifPbGZ2wPe5nvaEqWluIkSyf_8TjDDssvv2i-8vG0cLcQCCuXbplPSsYgOYnBiWYbEYc1J63PaPzfsz02aKzJfMMMU_MyXQC/s400/Turquoise+4.jpg" width="377" /></a></div>
As I've previously mentioned, we are in an in-between stage of our lives, getting ready to leave the home we'd retired to and thought was "forever". Ahead of us lies a new life and calling, in which many things are as yet unclear.<br />
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I needed to write and journal about this strange limbo, so laid down some blue paint and then buffed it off with a wet wipe, before beginning to add collage.<br />
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Then more collage, grey shadows and a black outline began to bring the disparate elements together. Here I was trying to avoid straight lines and keep the outline curvy and soft.<br />
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At this point I decided the page was just TOO blue and needed something more, so I used my Neocolour II crayons to introduce lime green, and added even more via collage. I ended up with this framed page and only a vague idea what I wanted to write on it, so I set it aside until inspiration struck.<br />
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And then one day, I just wrote this ... because when things aren't in your hands trusting God for the future is all you can do.<br />
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Since then a house has been found for us and the purchase of it is in train. All we have to do is declutter our present home and get ready to move on when the purchase is all complete. Its exciting. It WILL be a challenge for a wheelchair user with limited energy ... but there will be a way.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-46924791573881908962019-04-22T16:37:00.001+01:002019-04-22T16:37:45.001+01:00I WONDER ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZTfH09R4YuEBpkZ1vyAsCEiiyMh3Sv0D8l6euLSqDj3zNCpKdKad05MZu4TqUnxVHub7b8ilBQC5lM1pGxmQ-xzbQMGeakjLp_whnJaRKDgLbcX80Us-_O2GH12W38hyx_xdvvRPp0hZ/s1600/Wonder+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="845" data-original-width="794" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZTfH09R4YuEBpkZ1vyAsCEiiyMh3Sv0D8l6euLSqDj3zNCpKdKad05MZu4TqUnxVHub7b8ilBQC5lM1pGxmQ-xzbQMGeakjLp_whnJaRKDgLbcX80Us-_O2GH12W38hyx_xdvvRPp0hZ/s400/Wonder+4.jpg" width="375" /></a></div>
It was a great pleasure recently to find one of my pages saved in someone's Pinterest folder of art journal inspiration. It also served to remind me of a technique I haven't used in a while - that of drawing wavy lines across the page in which to write.<br />
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But first a simple background of lime green paint in two shades, blotted off with a wet wipe to give some interest and texture.<br />
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Then came the lines drawn across and the beginnings of some collage elements. I once took colour copies of an old journal in order to re-use some elements in new pages ... and promptly forgot about them. However, this pennant saying "there are times when I wonder" was one of those pieces, and it was enough to get me thinking ... and wondering.<br />
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We are at a time in our lives when we're poised between an unexpected calling which will take us on into pastures new, and trying to decide what to keep of the old life we've made here. I know what I ought to do is just stay calm and let things like where we might be going to live unfold, but I'm not made that way. This means I spend far too much time speculating about the shape of the future, and looking back at other times and places to learn what I can from them.<br />
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So that's what I found myself doing as I continued into the doodly phase of the process - which actually lends itself very well to the reflective process.<br />
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I know I need to learn how to spend more time in the present, just appreciating what is here and now ... and maybe this time of relative uncertainty is a gift in which to do just that?<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-2239638577985586862019-04-02T11:09:00.000+01:002019-04-02T11:09:30.326+01:00MY SPIRIT WANTS TO FLY ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV4q5AUeNx4qL1salSnUNL5kfGBc9Y5X6rF788Xup3XwNMgY_aR6wGvZ8HNdyd_Pc0HKn3VTvnyYzwM_6K8CGFNjvkMGOUoypQ2FtqoMHntYx10xKOh6lH3FFTO7UAzmuQtWm8y2FuRFJR/s1600/Fly+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="833" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV4q5AUeNx4qL1salSnUNL5kfGBc9Y5X6rF788Xup3XwNMgY_aR6wGvZ8HNdyd_Pc0HKn3VTvnyYzwM_6K8CGFNjvkMGOUoypQ2FtqoMHntYx10xKOh6lH3FFTO7UAzmuQtWm8y2FuRFJR/s400/Fly+4.jpg" width="378" /></a></div>
A perennial problem for me is always wanting to do/be more than my body or mind actually has energy to achieve - so my life is a constant compromise and an exercise in the art of the possible.<br />
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I started this page in positive mode by painting it my favourite pinks and blotting it off in places with a wet wipe.<br />
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Then it was out with the pink collage scraps tray to begin the creative process. I was trying to avoid the all too predictable route of simply generating a border around the page - with the risk of too many straight lines.<br />
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I'd drawn these birds on a master collage sheet, which I then copied so that I could cut out and colour the shapes. Choosing to add the birds also gave my page its theme - expressing my feelings about wanting to fly but being earthbound. You can see once again my favourite technique of outlining shapes in black and adding a grey shadow to give depth.<br />
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I ended up with with large gap in the centre of the page, and I just doodled and coloured into that space until it looked "right". I've recently got some water colour markers, and I love the subtle shading they've given me here. I also outlined and added to some of the collage patterns I'd used, to make them more "mine".<br />
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It took me a long time to figure out the answer encapsulated here ... that my spirit IS free as a bird, and there are virtually no barriers (beyond tiredness and brain fog) to where it goes. I can still pray, meditate, reflect, learn and grow, albeit slowly ... and I can do all that while my body takes the time out it needs to rest.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-85275113595348987262019-03-17T17:37:00.001+00:002019-03-17T17:37:40.153+00:00PATIENT (not) ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHcqx8QAqAU9BmpkpLZJz4JtnPpJtiUikwFjbu21KQRWt1tnQdBT1Yn-9bF6gsgqRCcS8W5pHCe6ugxkIUwJQTX3Iz4VpKxCgO-DpHUBGBobr6VT8a-QINP4kuuw2gh2KQwSJxZVp3c3e3/s1600/Blue+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="798" data-original-width="759" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHcqx8QAqAU9BmpkpLZJz4JtnPpJtiUikwFjbu21KQRWt1tnQdBT1Yn-9bF6gsgqRCcS8W5pHCe6ugxkIUwJQTX3Iz4VpKxCgO-DpHUBGBobr6VT8a-QINP4kuuw2gh2KQwSJxZVp3c3e3/s400/Blue+5.jpg" width="380" /></a></div>
Following on from last week's post, and the change that is coming, I've been forced (again) to acknowledge that I'm not a patient person! So much in this process is beyond our control, so for now at least I can't take refuge in the plotting and planning that I'm really pretty good at. What I'm NOT good at is waiting for other people to get organised and make something happen. This page arose out of trying to manage my impatience ...<br />
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I painted the blue background and wiped some of it off with a baby wipe, which gives interesting texture, and then started laying down grey collage pieces.<br />
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I just kept adding a bit more, including a lady with a slightly frustrated look on her face (my own face was probably MUCH worse).<br />
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Black outlines and grey shadows as ever make all the difference to how the page elements string together, not to mention getting the words out of my brain and onto the page ... helping me to feel lighter.<br />
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And here's the finished product - not too much doodly detail for once - but it says what I needed to get off my chest. Basically it was/still is "grant me patience, Lord, but hurry!".<br />
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Hopefully I will manage not to chew my knuckles off while other people decide where we will be relocating to, and what kind of house we'll be living in. Then yet more patience will be required while disabled adapations take place. We might get there by Christmas, but then again ....<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-47067610407931109302019-02-26T15:06:00.000+00:002019-02-26T15:06:37.720+00:00CHANGE IS COMING ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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These photos show just how different images can look in daylight and artificial light. When I started work on this page it was in natural light on a slightly cloudy day ... when the yellow as you can see below looks more primrose than anything else!<br />
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The real colour is much nearer to the main picture, and I began by adding pieces of collage in shades of grey. This is one of my favourite parts - just sitting with a drawer full of paper scraps feeling my way towards something which will make sense.<br />
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And below you can see the collage process complete, finished off with black outlines and grey shadows. The figure is my own drawing to represent me ... inevitably somewhat thinner and younger looking than the reality, but reflecting how I feel inside!!<br />
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With the journalling part complete I added the doodling and drawing, and took the final picture in electric light, which makes the yellow look much more vivid.<br />
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We had thought we were settled and looking ahead to a peaceful retirement, but it seems we were wrong ... and we've been invited to consider an alternative future. It was a shock at first, but gradually I've become convinced that this is a calling from God, and the right thing for us to do.<br />
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Being a normal human being as well as a woman of faith, its in the wee small hours that the doubts creep in, and I wonder if I've completely lost the plot ... Once again we're preparing to put ourselves out there on a new road, not entirely sure where it leads, but believing (most of the time) that it is meant to be.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-8984785180043623472019-02-10T14:10:00.001+00:002019-02-10T14:10:48.819+00:00MUSINGS ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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After last week's offering about pain I needed to talk myself into a better frame of mind - looking back at recent pages I got the distinct impression that I might be "wallowing". I tell myself that I'm doing all I can to stay positive about the future, but sometimes (without noticing it) I do get a bit bogged down!!<br />
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So I painted this page a bright yellow with touches of orange - you can see from the pictures how differently the colours photograph at various times of day - and added a piece of bright red collage.<br />
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Then I set to work on a collage border and added the figure with wings and a crown just for their cheering effects! I often use this rubber stamp for a face to represent myself, and I have a big pair of silver wings on my studio wall to help me remember that I can still fly ...<br />
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And then, because I am inclined to worry at things, over-analyse and generally fret ... this became a page about remembering who is really in control, and affirming again that I can trust that all will be well and turn out to my/our greatest good. Its easy to forget that ...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxaEipILw7Upzt9lneSDtY-TiR18pGwq5zn7OROwfV5eXw8jSP0dXzwsrusMU6bGgA_v1-IvPDfFTLKs5_rFqBgqIJpHaqx2SEDPGvkly66HD9_2PFfHTL0C_wt0Cu3Z5miZ_McGKCBJuL/s1600/New+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="852" data-original-width="812" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxaEipILw7Upzt9lneSDtY-TiR18pGwq5zn7OROwfV5eXw8jSP0dXzwsrusMU6bGgA_v1-IvPDfFTLKs5_rFqBgqIJpHaqx2SEDPGvkly66HD9_2PFfHTL0C_wt0Cu3Z5miZ_McGKCBJuL/s320/New+3.jpg" width="304" /></a></div>
So here's the finished article with the usual doodly decorations - and I am there in the middle of all this glorious technicolour wearing my crown and smiling. <br />
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I hope I will look back at this page sometimes to remember what I learned in this process. Let go, let God.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-57371447933511716422019-01-27T10:50:00.002+00:002019-01-27T10:56:39.068+00:00WHO WILL SEE MY PAIN?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih8RQUnf2lP8CRT-FSJVKM6Nu_r-da73kuCRWr9iXh6DHL2qOlldew5CvrV7TycLdL21GZejuiXMqN6Ehd1yTbdq-mYL7zQK3z6DzZVvr04POXVqx2V3iiWu-vQwkpb-OYz0GPkp-juitw/s1600/Who+Will+see+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="830" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih8RQUnf2lP8CRT-FSJVKM6Nu_r-da73kuCRWr9iXh6DHL2qOlldew5CvrV7TycLdL21GZejuiXMqN6Ehd1yTbdq-mYL7zQK3z6DzZVvr04POXVqx2V3iiWu-vQwkpb-OYz0GPkp-juitw/s400/Who+Will+see+4.jpg" width="368" /></a></div>
Something of a cri de coeur here ... a page that arose out of an appointment with my arthritis specialist. She told me that the drugs I'm on were working, and I asked why in that case I was still in so much pain? Oh, she said, I can't do anything about your pain. She repeated this forcefully about three times, just in case I hadn't understood it the first time. I wanted to scream and shout "what use are you then?", but what I actually did was cry, real gut wrenching sobbing from a deep place of despair. Maybe it was necessary that I got that out. Then, there being no alternative, I picked myself up and got on with life again ... and gradually made my negative feelings into this page.<br />
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I think the prickly cactus actually represents the ever present pain, but I put it down in the corner where I can make it smaller and more manageable. The butterfly is about rising above that reality, and my attempt to live a vivid and colourful life despite it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVqrsJ8aRAPs6wRoaT6t0cOOixloBeuwDl0ro9UjJt_25AobP7qLBrdyZVdsMaLTrBe_2xX9lykXyX0nOWoWn4xG8Sbhn4KJ8XtcrH4xvG_aLjGz4dZOii5aYrKYpjKYAH95rg3-wfwxB/s1600/Who+Will+see+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="888" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVqrsJ8aRAPs6wRoaT6t0cOOixloBeuwDl0ro9UjJt_25AobP7qLBrdyZVdsMaLTrBe_2xX9lykXyX0nOWoWn4xG8Sbhn4KJ8XtcrH4xvG_aLjGz4dZOii5aYrKYpjKYAH95rg3-wfwxB/s320/Who+Will+see+1.jpg" width="296" /></a></div>
I was thinking about the way I'd cried from the depths of my being that day, and how healing it had (eventually) been, so I made my lady into a clown of sorts - the kind who presents a smiling face, which is what I do. The doodles across the corners represent the layers of my life that most people never get to see or understand.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn-1Jd0Q9n9R3LcbE5VAcibwJo0jYhWlf2Zxarmxe0BhxmVEb-Ga1pMkm2jzn5P_zJ5gTx7-IPHiEuyIwbK_5sWk-oWKFd4L2yxykJgnUUOU8uDmhNcyghauTJQPsy3EruZojwtEyJ7Osf/s1600/Who+Will+See+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1013" data-original-width="941" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn-1Jd0Q9n9R3LcbE5VAcibwJo0jYhWlf2Zxarmxe0BhxmVEb-Ga1pMkm2jzn5P_zJ5gTx7-IPHiEuyIwbK_5sWk-oWKFd4L2yxykJgnUUOU8uDmhNcyghauTJQPsy3EruZojwtEyJ7Osf/s320/Who+Will+See+2.jpg" width="297" /></a></div>
But then the words came, and the cry from the heart that SOMEONE has to see and understand my pain, believe in how hard this journey of 26 years has been and is. That's all I wanted; acknowledgement. Its OK to say you can't fix it, but I need someone to recognise its importance and how it dominates my life.<br />
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The painted face and the bright colours are the face I show to the world - let's face it nobody loves a Moaning Minnie, so I try very hard not to be one. That can be TOUGH.<br />
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So this page isn't just for or about me, its also for and about all those who suffer chronic pain but try to put a brave face on it to spare the people around them the realities of their daily life. Its a cry from the heart to just now and again be seen, heard, and sometimes even briefly understood.<br />
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You have to have that to make it possible to continue ...<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-16186343541480460972019-01-15T12:02:00.000+00:002019-01-15T12:02:21.153+00:00PEACE AND SILENCE ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzNjLZngO7EbxhTmPevUvR2qvv4GCzVBQiT3aoqBJxwkeOjQeU5e8XiWSdT9nJzQXjnPSPWfwymylMq8YVZam-NwUJIpjIxPuuD_xvVbLU3CE2R1PYrT264wCGeMgtZwgWL9Guuvh3Thg/s1600/Peace+and+Silence+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="756" data-original-width="709" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzNjLZngO7EbxhTmPevUvR2qvv4GCzVBQiT3aoqBJxwkeOjQeU5e8XiWSdT9nJzQXjnPSPWfwymylMq8YVZam-NwUJIpjIxPuuD_xvVbLU3CE2R1PYrT264wCGeMgtZwgWL9Guuvh3Thg/s400/Peace+and+Silence+4.jpg" width="375" /></a></div>
When I was a lot younger, along with the majority of my peer group, I enjoyed listening to music radio. Gradually I shifted my allegiance towards talk radio, the serious kind, which is BBC Radio 4 in the UK. A decade ago I would have had the radio on most of the day, but then I began to select to stream only the programmes I really wanted. Now I've come to appreciate quietness more and more, and have days when I don't turn it on at all. It might just be me, but I wonder if less external noise is something a lot of people crave as they grow older? <br />
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I started this page with no sense of purpose or direction, but chose to use soft blues for my painted background ... seeking a kind of visual quietness? <br />
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I just let the blue collage grow and spread in soft curving shapes with no hard, straight lines ... and as you can see the grey shadow and black outline manages to delineate individual areas and yet at the same time unify the elements into a whole. The word "life" just looked right when I put it there!<br />
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I added hair to the lady at the bottom and a little bit of doodling. The pink just sort of crept in, but there's not too much of it. That left me with a big blank space in the middle, and (after some staring into space) I just wrote this in it - a quote from the desiderata which I've always loved.<br />
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Some people might have left it like this, but I was unable to resist the temptation to doodle on it a bit more until a point came when it felt finished.<br />
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I've discovered that I need silence more and more - just as my health problems mean I have to rest a lot, so I also need to rest my poor tired brain or I suffer from sensory overload. I could play instrumental music but I only do so occasionally, I'm just happy with my own thoughts a lot of the time, and do some of my best praying in that space.<br />
Love<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-9396755281783684952019-01-05T15:31:00.003+00:002019-01-05T15:31:55.153+00:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Apologies for being missing ... my life was interrupted not only by the Christmas and New Year holiday activities, but also by being ill the entire time. NOT the most festive of seasons, and therefore more time was spent on the sofa than at my desk working in my journal.<br />
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This is the solitary page I produced, and while its not necessarily one of my best or most inventive, it does capture that beginning of a new year feeling, always a reflective time for me. Wishing to strike a positive note I painted the page red and added the beginnings of a collage border.<br />
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And then below you can see the border pretty much finished and looking suitably cheerful.<br />
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Adding black outlines, grey shadows and a human being turned it into something more personal and genuinely my own. I like to think this Modigliani lady looks slightly doubtful but vaguely optimistic, where is where early January found me!<br />
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So then I set out my thoughts concerning a new year - I never make resolutions - but I am hoping for and expecting the usual mixed bag of highs and lows. Bring it on because experience teaches that both turn out to be blessings in the fullness of time ...<br />
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Forgive me that this is somewhat brief, am still far from well - when you are immune suppressed you never get mild infections only Great Big Horrible ones that can put you in hospital. It almost did but I talked my way out of it, saying that my Beloved would look after me at home better than they ever could. Which turns out to be true.<br />
Many Blessings to you and yours in 2019.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-27058519929622258722018-12-19T13:25:00.001+00:002018-12-19T13:25:57.739+00:00A DIFFICULT WOMAN ...?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKIUUc83fLqp1Wrh5_IejnW4TWCwnbCRty9SK-WiM1LX51aQHLLr8fs7qKXocWrn6FmXUgZ_5l5z-0abXyUp6Gn-Ek9hU61BYg63y_VRBzaKgGglAvxL3stP1y9r4LYjveWnLEQU1XwLvg/s1600/Frida+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="620" data-original-width="588" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKIUUc83fLqp1Wrh5_IejnW4TWCwnbCRty9SK-WiM1LX51aQHLLr8fs7qKXocWrn6FmXUgZ_5l5z-0abXyUp6Gn-Ek9hU61BYg63y_VRBzaKgGglAvxL3stP1y9r4LYjveWnLEQU1XwLvg/s400/Frida+4.jpg" width="378" /></a></div>
In recent months a number of incidents have added together to stoke the fires of my lifelong feminism, and resulted in my making a deliberate choice to assert myself more. When you have limited energy its easy to just go along with stuff because the cost of fighting back is too high.<br />
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Someone was incredibly rude to me, but because children were present and obviously aware of the atmosphere, I chose to simply walk away and not take on my critic. Afterwards (like you do) I asked myself if I should have spoken up, and whether I was in fact a Difficult Woman who should mend her ways. Eventually, after a lot of prayer and reflection I concluded that it had been right to spare the children embarrassment, but it also reminded me that I don't have to apologise to anyone for being a woman unafraid to state a strong opinion. You don't have to agree and I'm not afraid to be challenged, even if I do have to choose which battles to fight and which to walk away from.<br />
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All this was in my mind as I worked on this page - a simple painted background with collage elements.<br />
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Frida Kahlo is a particular heroine of mine because she lived in lifelong pain but also very much on her own terms, so she seemed to belong on this page. I've also added more collage, grey shadows and some doodly details to make the collage pieces more truly mine.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA6CIGSEy_9V50L5uj_8OkS2WHBtGk09qCVhg6VBPW62WcEqBIYJAAvU3Oe4mtGN4tqoidvkS8sQ-prD5jvHXkaoeMnMzUhUcfBSiYZS0DKjwB3sYCoQycKbLBR1cutX41g3jXJs4WlSIx/s1600/Frida+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="634" data-original-width="582" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA6CIGSEy_9V50L5uj_8OkS2WHBtGk09qCVhg6VBPW62WcEqBIYJAAvU3Oe4mtGN4tqoidvkS8sQ-prD5jvHXkaoeMnMzUhUcfBSiYZS0DKjwB3sYCoQycKbLBR1cutX41g3jXJs4WlSIx/s320/Frida+3.jpg" width="293" /></a></div>
At which point all that was left was to speak my truth ... and leave it there. I'm not going to stew over it, and I am going to forget and forgive the rudeness of the person who spoke to me. However, I'm not sorry that it reminded me of some of the truths I have lived by for 50 years, and stirred up my fire again!<br />
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I hope you and yours have a lovely Christmas season, and thank you for being with me on the journey.<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-79955554328810499022018-11-30T11:29:00.002+00:002018-11-30T11:29:53.544+00:00A WORLD IN COLOUR<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxTnHEZpIM-crbmMGaIgZfNpeDvQgRS3wR14DdcoKJrqOcdpPUZ9U-EFCmgq8sixtedoCZJA61SWcR4LZHwwWM6WJ7eP_Xf2OZ-K6LDEghzWTYNnmeS96gprC9BXwzNA0IcLyTn1qoKWZ/s1600/Yellow+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="686" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxTnHEZpIM-crbmMGaIgZfNpeDvQgRS3wR14DdcoKJrqOcdpPUZ9U-EFCmgq8sixtedoCZJA61SWcR4LZHwwWM6WJ7eP_Xf2OZ-K6LDEghzWTYNnmeS96gprC9BXwzNA0IcLyTn1qoKWZ/s400/Yellow+4.jpg" width="373" /></a></div>
Here's my latest page ... the first in a while as seasonal activities have meant there hasn't been as much time for my art journal as I'd like ...<br />
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However I sat down with a page and painted it yellow, then added some grey texture with paint and a baby wipe.<br />
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Then, as usual, I got stuck in monochrome mode and started to put down grey collage elements. Its as if once my creative brain starts to work in a single colour, no others can be considered, and this is something I have to fight against.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFJIkMWmQHPhgtR2zWIHZ3We-5_G8Ks3hbrV7rC5LB75iFjucxg8sNKDabRNI3cuFEMh-9tseKXuibpKU0M0Zp-r7FPpOepjGsU7xvCkDiwwqrYPcQ3oTDgIAq6ZQbZ2Dv0MKY9QwqQp7/s1600/Yellow+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="697" data-original-width="656" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFJIkMWmQHPhgtR2zWIHZ3We-5_G8Ks3hbrV7rC5LB75iFjucxg8sNKDabRNI3cuFEMh-9tseKXuibpKU0M0Zp-r7FPpOepjGsU7xvCkDiwwqrYPcQ3oTDgIAq6ZQbZ2Dv0MKY9QwqQp7/s320/Yellow+2.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
Then, as I added shadows and black lines, I looked at the page and thought "what is going on here"? I'm a person who loves and celebrates COLOUR! (You should see the explosion of shades in my studio).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ajMDNCfoT5_ROFeJPosUv4naa_5DqB6RFVhpzOYQF8ribIe589164WVidX0Mol_bzgrLdbCZrViHB0Dwo1VT7HpwbMZSsbWw5gFQrkvQ0Y9K2jpDjFCEu-6ABEtEJ-sHWZFE4_aW86SJ/s1600/Yellow+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="708" data-original-width="667" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ajMDNCfoT5_ROFeJPosUv4naa_5DqB6RFVhpzOYQF8ribIe589164WVidX0Mol_bzgrLdbCZrViHB0Dwo1VT7HpwbMZSsbWw5gFQrkvQ0Y9K2jpDjFCEu-6ABEtEJ-sHWZFE4_aW86SJ/s320/Yellow+3.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
So I dug about in my collage stash and added some RED, to insist that my world could never be as grey as this! It also became a protest about the grey November day outside, and possibly the low mood I started out in.<br />
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I don't do well in the dark winter months and have to fight a tendency to curl up in a corner and hibernate ... but Christmas is coming and I'm fighting back! Once we get past the longest day my mood always subtly lifts.<br />
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And for those of us who follow such things, the Christian season of Advent is almost upon us ... with its great cry of "Awake". So I will.</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-78281066094082999552018-11-12T14:40:00.001+00:002018-11-12T14:41:02.108+00:00THANK YOU ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I was looking back at my journal pages (coming towards the end of book no.14) and couldn't help noticing that they deal a lot more with the things I struggle with than all the blessings in my life. So I decided to redress the balance with this page, and made a positive start by painting it pink, which is my happy colour!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUiFSpDJcHW7PmcFRr1TDckaebmH_KhyphenhyphenMYjULt5Ar8bnEm0xGAguRmTlsK8hyphenhyphenc0BWY_a5uUD4ryIMk_h0RGRvNa1shEKGGA1gFdVe1IfxK9u7SCC1GFF60qMhH7FJmhlk_JpH28gmql_X3/s1600/Thank+you+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="729" data-original-width="686" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUiFSpDJcHW7PmcFRr1TDckaebmH_KhyphenhyphenMYjULt5Ar8bnEm0xGAguRmTlsK8hyphenhyphenc0BWY_a5uUD4ryIMk_h0RGRvNa1shEKGGA1gFdVe1IfxK9u7SCC1GFF60qMhH7FJmhlk_JpH28gmql_X3/s320/Thank+you+1.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
I added a pretty lady from my stash of clippings and started to draw and put down collage elements - trying always to resist my tendency to put a simple frame around the page. Nothing wrong with doing that, but I do like to challenge myself to work in different ways.<br />
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While working I was thinking about how small my life has become - not getting out all that much, social life primarily online etc etc, usual self pity party. Gave myself a good telling off for not appreciating what I do have - it may be a little life but it IS a good one, with friends and family, a whole host of hobbies and interests, and generally so much to be grateful for.<br />
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Lots of fun doodling and drawing on this page, as you can see - that's the part I enjoy most, getting in the zone and just playing with paint pens and collage.<br />
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Sorry I haven't written much here, but it was our youngest daughter's wedding this past weekend. It was the most wonderful day in a historic hall in the city of York, but unsurprisingly it was also very very tiring. Now back at home and planning to rest and recover most of this week .... but (at risk of vanity) I did want to demonstrate that I can clean up well when I have to!<br />
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PS if my hair looks a bit odd its because I am wearing a tiny little black hat!<br />
Rosie x</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-15701528767734484962018-10-27T16:34:00.001+01:002018-10-27T16:35:30.099+01:00DARK CLOUDS ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I wasn't going to publish this page, out of a wish not to depress people who might be experiencing their own dark clouds. However, when I thought it through it came to me that feelings like these are just part of life, and everyone has them from time to time. What matters is only that we do find a way, and we CAN carry on ....<br />
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The weather at the time was dark and miserable, and my mood does fluctuate with the light. It wasn't my original intention to make any kind of gloomy page - I just like purple! So I splodged down some lilac paint, and began to collage over it.<br />
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Then I began drawing, making "connections" between the elements on the page, as well as adding outlines and shadows. Joining things up does matter to me, because I do believe that nothing and nobody exists other than in relationship to someone or something ... and its a source of constant amazement and joy to me to discover unexpected connections. God sees all the pieces of the puzzle and knows what she's doing.<br />
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I got to the stage below (photographed later in the day when the light wasn't very good) and then got completely STUCK. I'd left this space in the middle to write in but had no idea what words belonged there.<br />
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So I set the page aside and worked on other things. Then one morning I limped into the studio ... and there was the journal open at this page. I literally sat down and immediately, without thinking about it, wrote these words.<br />
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But (as my granny used to say) "better out than in". I learned painfully a long time ago that bottling up negative feelings is really REALLY bad for you, so I don't. The journals have always been a way to look into my soul and find out what's going on in there that I won't always admit, even to myself.<br />
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Even the act of writing the words down helped to lift my spirits and I am pleased to report that my present mood is one of unrelieved optimism, but then again the sun is currently shining ...</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-30432103675583024292018-10-14T17:17:00.001+01:002018-10-14T17:17:08.060+01:00Autumn ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I am returned from sunny climes, but for some reason the jet lag absolutely clobbered me this time, so I'm still catching myself up and feeling dazed and confused.<br />
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Anyway, perhaps with the echo of the sunshine still in my mind, I painted this page a golden yellow - which was then given texture by blotting the wet paint with a wet wipe. Hunting around in my collage I found a sheet of pumpkin images ... and with multi coloured autumn leaves blowing past my window, my subject was provided!<br />
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Below you can see the effect of my usual technique of outlining the images in black and adding a shadow. The leaves were made using a rubber stamp I've had for around 20 years - one of the most useful I've ever bought, but horribly fiddly to cut out. At this stage I suddenly noticed that I'd missed the "n" off Autumn and panicked. However, I put a coat of gesso over most of the "m", then painted the gold/yellow over the top, and finally drew the letters in smaller. There are few mistakes that gesso can't fix!<br />
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So there you are, my own particular ode to Autumn, which while beautiful is actually a bit of a shock to the system after temperatures topping 90 degrees when we were away. The shops were still full of pumpkins but we were in the USA.<br />
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I DO love this time of year, and it felt good to record and take time to enjoy that. Am I the only one whose thoughts turn ahead to Christmas even this early? I've already got preparations in hand ... but that comes from having very little money when our children were young, so that we absolutely <i>had</i> to spread the cost of it all from September onwards.<br />
Yours dazedly<br />
Rosie X</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-50764884921944916902018-09-24T11:09:00.002+01:002018-09-24T11:09:32.851+01:00I WANT MORE ... but probably can't have it<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In a rush with this as off on vacation in a couple of days, and panic sets in every time what with trying to sort out disabled assistance at the airport, medication, not to mention sharps disposal, copy prescriptions etc etc. It'll be <i>fabulous</i> when we get there (wall to wall sunshine) but I'm at that stage where I'm so overwhelmed by the preparation that I no longer want to go ....<br />
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Anyway, enough of that! A painted background as usual - and I even managed to use more than one colour! I must be improving ...<br />
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Then the collage goes down and the necessary person goes in. Maybe I need a bit of a jolt artistically speaking, because I'm <i>really</i> starting to feel that my pages are all becoming the same and a bit formulaic?<br />
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Completed collage with black outlines and shading. At this stage I really didn't know what it was going to be about, but my subconscious obviously did when I stuck down "look for more".<br />
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Because then I exploded all over the page in my frustration at the limited life I have to live. I really kick against it sometimes, but I guess that's normal. I just want a life like everyone else, with friendship and laughter, spontaneous outings etc etc. The reality is that if friends rang up and said "let's go out this afternoon" there's a strong chance I'd have to say no - but inside I want to say YES! Yes to all of it, a full life, a retirement rich in experiences ... In other words s'not fair. <br />
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And it isn't, but it can't be changed so there's no point in using my limited energy to rail against fate. God reminds me gently that I can still be of use in my small way. <i>And</i> I get to go on holiday to a warm place where my bones won't ache nearly so much - and that makes me a very fortunate person. I do count my blessings, honest, its just that sometimes I need to express the darker stuff .... because that's part of me too.<br />
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See you in October!!<br />
Love<br />
Rosie X</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-75302426132942157852018-09-12T09:59:00.001+01:002018-09-12T10:01:15.980+01:00SMALL THINGS ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Not for the first time, I encountered that quote from Mother Teresa "do small things with great love". It came (probably not a coincidence) at a time when I was frustrated by my inability to do anything very much, from a feeling that I wasn't GIVING, wasn't making a difference in the world. Mother Teresa also said "Let's do something beautiful for God" and when I was ordained priest that's what I believed I was called to. I already had Fibromyalgia even then, and didn't (couldn't) see how that would come to shape the life I was able to live and the things I was able to give. I thought back then that God had called me for my strength, but it turned out to be in my weakness that she could most powerfully use me ...<br />
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Trying to express this positive truth into my temporary darkness was worked out as ever through my journal. Pink is my happy colour so that's where I began. The big bloom is the person I always hoped I might be ...<br />
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But as my life went on my ability to "bloom" (in my own terms, not to mention pride and vanity) got smaller and smaller ...<br />
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Until I felt like the small and unregarded person in the corner ...<br />
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But that small person and that small life turned out to have greater power to touch people and make a difference than the strong woman I liked to imagine I was ever could.<br />
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So here is my celebration of the woman I am now: more understanding of and gentle with my own frailties ... and therefore with those of others, and able to reach into the dark places people inhabit <i>because I have been there myself</i>. And still visit that place sometimes.<br />
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It has been a battle long fought and hard won, and there are still days when I WISH it could be different. But I do believe I am where I'm meant to be and giving/sharing my particular gifts ... even from my (pink) wheelchair!</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-22597959215987172602018-08-29T15:28:00.000+01:002018-08-29T15:30:49.671+01:00OVERWHELMED ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKZmzOH3h6ysQ_TQE1J2eG5VlBAp2x0iWVOMhp4AZaOoQOR6S1PKnN5FJv2ecq9_Xmlc9TFIINa5rPsBXkKQ1L8OOmabO92Fu9QuBzcpBfO0xdNvb_UK-MU3It1BzDUIaGtKNHaB0e1yGI/s1600/A+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="690" data-original-width="637" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKZmzOH3h6ysQ_TQE1J2eG5VlBAp2x0iWVOMhp4AZaOoQOR6S1PKnN5FJv2ecq9_Xmlc9TFIINa5rPsBXkKQ1L8OOmabO92Fu9QuBzcpBfO0xdNvb_UK-MU3It1BzDUIaGtKNHaB0e1yGI/s400/A+5.jpg" width="368" /></a></div>
Bit of a theme with this page and the last one I posted - I seem to have had too much on, more than I really have energy for. As part of fibromyalgia I experience a kind of sensory overload where my brain goes into freeze mode and won't function. Always a strong message that I need to rest! However, if I'm not tied to the sofa then one way of resting is working in my journal ...<br />
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So I just opened the drawer with the paint in and grabbed whatever took my fancy - trying hard not to pull out all pinks or all blues, which is a besetting sin of mine. Delighted that I managed to use THREE colours on this page !<br />
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I really enjoy black line drawing and doodling. I wouldn't necessarily describe it as zentangle, although definitely inspired by those techniques. Another Modigliani lady also found her way onto the page - sometimes I copy them in black and white, as I'd done here, because I like the look on the page. She has a slightly stunned expression which fit my mood exactly!<br />
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I promised myself that I could go pretty crazy with the doodling because it was going to be there to represent how overwhelmed I was feeling and how complicated it felt like life had become. It may be true that it wasn't actually all that bad, but it doesn't take much to knock me off course. I like life simple, well NEED it to be.<br />
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You can see that I've added some touches of white and red to make the patterns a bit more interesting, and I like how the painted background shows through some areas. Just look at all those vines and creepers coming to tangle me up ... and there's almost a jellyfish feeling to some of it? Well I certainly know all about the "sting in the tail", and it did feel good to get all that negativity out of my system.<br />
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On days like these I have to remind myself to breathe deeply and just take things one at a time. There have been a lot of hospital appointments recently because the new drugs I'm taking have had some negative effects which had to be investigated, one of which was blurry vision, making journalling difficult, not to mention computer time. Hopefully now that's (mostly) checked out, life will once again become calm and serene (I wish)!<br />
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Rosie x</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-47403084074060978792018-08-14T11:58:00.001+01:002018-08-14T11:58:08.638+01:00SIMPLE .... AT LEAST I WISH IT WAS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I've reached the age and stage in life where I hanker after peace and simplicity - having retired we have fewer possessions (although we do keep adding books ...) and we like it that way. Yet, despite trying quite hard not to take on extra commitments (will we run the church jumble sale, no) our days seem to be filled with things we don't necessarily want to do. This week has two hospital appointments and one dentist, leaving little energy for the nice things in life.<br />
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However, even if I'm having to rest a lot in between, I can usually still find solace in my journal ... and my concern to simplify what feels like an over-complicated life naturally came out on the page.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhdpMGG0bCnBEJ6V0WrbcQys29uGJHNSeWHc3XNbHAF3fNv8kAoJUICMYfYY97dwa1-9UsL7vv06hna0gdPoyMONp44nPxGaK1_0BKGZ5oBCHYafl3W5xgiPeyr6jzrDMehhWD5Stotmwn/s1600/Simple+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="555" data-original-width="516" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhdpMGG0bCnBEJ6V0WrbcQys29uGJHNSeWHc3XNbHAF3fNv8kAoJUICMYfYY97dwa1-9UsL7vv06hna0gdPoyMONp44nPxGaK1_0BKGZ5oBCHYafl3W5xgiPeyr6jzrDMehhWD5Stotmwn/s320/Simple+1.jpg" width="297" /></a></div>
As ever, my backgrounds are simple, just acrylic paint. I never see any need to do fancy ones as I usually cover them up with doodles etc. I see some lovely techniques on Pinterest and You Tube but mostly conclude that they are too nice to cover up. Plus I'm lazy and they take a) too much effort or b) new equipment! <br />
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My collage materials are mainly free - I often use copies of my old pages or bits gleaned here and there from catalogues or magazines. Putting a simple border around a page like this is one of my favourite techniques for getting started when inspiration is slow to strike.<br />
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Adding black outlines and a grey shadow makes all the difference, as you can see, and you probably already know how much I love Modigliani ladies - also free from internet image sources. Among my stash of collage materials I found the phrase "simplify life" which drew a resounding yes from my innermost being!<br />
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<span id="goog_1533242132"></span>For me this is a relatively simple page, but it says what I needed it to. I know I shouldn't complain about frequent hospital appointments because people are trying their very best to help me, but toxic medications mean constant checking of my liver function, and regular discussions about the balance of benefits with nasty side effects. <br />
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Still, it would be nice to have a week which stretched peacefully in front of us and an empty calendar ... is that too much to ask? Probably yes!!</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-36990628929223376352018-08-07T15:21:00.002+01:002018-08-07T15:21:44.271+01:00USING TOO MUCH OF ME ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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You know how you volunteer for or agree to do something even though you know its a terrible idea and you will almost certainly regret it? Yeah, that. Well, against my better judgement, I was persuaded to take part in an 8 week Pain Management course. I had a shrewd idea that it would take too much of my limited energy, and after 27 years figured it was unlikely they would be suggesting anything I hadn't already tried. I was right, but being too polite to tell them so have persevered hoping it would improve, with the result that I am now very very tired. Last session tomorrow, thank the Lord, and then I can get my life back ...<br />
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So in the middle of the course it just wasn't working and I wanted to say so, but didn't feel I could, and anyway I was grateful that the NHS had provided it, and I did think perhaps I could make some useful contribution even if I didn't take much out. This page is how I dealt with my mixed feelings ....<br />
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I just painted the page some of my favourite colours and took it from there, though I should have guessed in advance what I needed to get out of my head and onto paper. Below you can see on the left how I put down some collage, and on the right you can see how the addition of a black outline and a grey shadow makes the whole thing come together as a unified whole?<br />
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These words below were the ones that just fell out of my brain and onto the page. I really wanted to drop out of the course and say it was too much (it was/is) but felt reluctant to reject anybody's offer of help (so I didn't). Sigh. I used to be assertive but now I just don't have the energy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-biWU2NYhuZVSxEJc8YsiMIoh4aboXoYLDMPSYswbsDeJbSdW3eJtUDeGWCtqvPhqfyLiGZUchAKaG95f73gpcq5BbBA1m1c4hTwL3egUvlzvzEdul61NYZhesZLoBi2robyBjOK5B0hm/s1600/Orange+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="587" data-original-width="561" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-biWU2NYhuZVSxEJc8YsiMIoh4aboXoYLDMPSYswbsDeJbSdW3eJtUDeGWCtqvPhqfyLiGZUchAKaG95f73gpcq5BbBA1m1c4hTwL3egUvlzvzEdul61NYZhesZLoBi2robyBjOK5B0hm/s320/Orange+4.jpg" width="305" /></a></div>
But as ever it all felt a lot better to give expression to my feelings and acknowledge them, even if I didn't feel able to act on them.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9PCnLiFf-1BlW1WRAinYu1Emuws6Sb-dpsvmF8Gy71YZIDQ-KxtA6YeFSmSEEzdVAuJCwD_1XkEvQb3rcDolwxn1VE3_UZnjFunI5v4w3qkuUJTVP2v9NvI2Qxaoo0oUITv5WQl8k15n/s1600/Orange+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="619" data-original-width="573" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9PCnLiFf-1BlW1WRAinYu1Emuws6Sb-dpsvmF8Gy71YZIDQ-KxtA6YeFSmSEEzdVAuJCwD_1XkEvQb3rcDolwxn1VE3_UZnjFunI5v4w3qkuUJTVP2v9NvI2Qxaoo0oUITv5WQl8k15n/s320/Orange+5.jpg" width="296" /></a></div>
And because I actually didn't want the helping people to go away (originally written down at the bottom right) I painted that part out. I wanted to just say no, but that turned out to be hard. Too hard. So now its going to take weeks to recover, and its entirely my own fault. Sigh.<br />
Yours wearily<br />
Rosie</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5431401066814136103.post-21621054202375119802018-07-15T17:09:00.001+01:002018-07-15T17:09:24.541+01:00THE LIFE I WANT ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkoycwyepKpFdZKiCBF-lleCSzn79-ZCjyTXpd9U42kA62niG47uv5eU8-ZYaa6Ce0j4eGMeNgnCHjTkiI9pthrWzR4sAncolm2rpqdz50yjKq17kOKp5Bi4Kv1X_CqkiJjh32KM-WGoq/s1600/Yellow+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="617" data-original-width="583" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkoycwyepKpFdZKiCBF-lleCSzn79-ZCjyTXpd9U42kA62niG47uv5eU8-ZYaa6Ce0j4eGMeNgnCHjTkiI9pthrWzR4sAncolm2rpqdz50yjKq17kOKp5Bi4Kv1X_CqkiJjh32KM-WGoq/s400/Yellow+4.jpg" width="377" /></a></div>
The picture above has come out rather dark, but as you'll be able to see below the yellow is much brighter than it looks here.<br />
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I started out with a background of old gold/yellow (Anita's Caramel Corn if you're interested) onto which I dry brushed some mid brown for interest.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5m_Jrwu7k3hN7AuqXLG9_aqdBnBMAF79RbcHx-56NTWNZkdrTQoeXXfqkyg0VUBUVEuuDwGDg4J7UGJzRueFxbTWKcvNzxBwKhInyBMXaDsFJ05mrettAzY99P0nL5l4ICDmbaCUi1cV1/s1600/Yellow+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="563" data-original-width="532" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5m_Jrwu7k3hN7AuqXLG9_aqdBnBMAF79RbcHx-56NTWNZkdrTQoeXXfqkyg0VUBUVEuuDwGDg4J7UGJzRueFxbTWKcvNzxBwKhInyBMXaDsFJ05mrettAzY99P0nL5l4ICDmbaCUi1cV1/s320/Yellow+1.jpg" width="302" /></a></div>
I'd bought an old book at a car boot sale, and used one of the pages for something. In my rummaging in the collage drawer I discovered the remains of the page in my stash and so (not an original idea) I cut out lines of text to make random thoughts. Quite like the effect of this. It doesn't mean anything unless you think it does.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH_JH6gW8HN6vH1w-LGLI0T3_VAkVkk-i699p6WuD0MNVpe7r8yNC-msJtwyw-FVgUopHqAZSe0jyPj-7CtDDwLXa_xLWW-0DVgzbGVlzZRWByoZrDFbA7K0TP8qc1q2byubPFwDW2Cb5S/s1600/Yellow+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="634" data-original-width="581" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH_JH6gW8HN6vH1w-LGLI0T3_VAkVkk-i699p6WuD0MNVpe7r8yNC-msJtwyw-FVgUopHqAZSe0jyPj-7CtDDwLXa_xLWW-0DVgzbGVlzZRWByoZrDFbA7K0TP8qc1q2byubPFwDW2Cb5S/s320/Yellow+2.jpg" width="293" /></a></div>
Then above, I put down the usual bits and pieces of collage, including my Modigliani lady, plus a bit of outlining. You can also see on the large half moon shape at the top why I try to avoid using materials from glossy magazines, because you get an awkward reflection from it in photographs and I don't much like the result. I go for matte finishes as much as possible, but free materials of this kind aren't always available.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAF-viu4T_PtXKG0k7gdAOCDR-pRmydlRtEmSP1SAXb-8OwXRyS3ZaxJfq22Ph9eNo0iQOEaOQuFNws0pWANCGL7eaxyDurHIFYUWMdsb-CHngonKh_q3a9dXOyf5tMHc8102Sy8U_tqiV/s1600/Yellow+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="580" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAF-viu4T_PtXKG0k7gdAOCDR-pRmydlRtEmSP1SAXb-8OwXRyS3ZaxJfq22Ph9eNo0iQOEaOQuFNws0pWANCGL7eaxyDurHIFYUWMdsb-CHngonKh_q3a9dXOyf5tMHc8102Sy8U_tqiV/s320/Yellow+3.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
I didn't know where this was going until I studied the figure and wondered what she was thinking about. She seemed to be in an in-between stage of happy/unhappy ... which resonated with me. We moved here 2 and a half years ago, and I am still lonely occasionally for the many friends I left behind. Not getting out as much as I'd like to means it isn't all that easy to join things and make new ones.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkoycwyepKpFdZKiCBF-lleCSzn79-ZCjyTXpd9U42kA62niG47uv5eU8-ZYaa6Ce0j4eGMeNgnCHjTkiI9pthrWzR4sAncolm2rpqdz50yjKq17kOKp5Bi4Kv1X_CqkiJjh32KM-WGoq/s1600/Yellow+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="617" data-original-width="583" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkoycwyepKpFdZKiCBF-lleCSzn79-ZCjyTXpd9U42kA62niG47uv5eU8-ZYaa6Ce0j4eGMeNgnCHjTkiI9pthrWzR4sAncolm2rpqdz50yjKq17kOKp5Bi4Kv1X_CqkiJjh32KM-WGoq/s320/Yellow+4.jpg" width="302" /></a></div>
But I'm working on it, and one or two special people have turned up lately who I hope will be sticking around, and (because knowing these things take time) I'm happy for that to be where I am for now. Great oaks from little acorns grow (I hope).</div>
Rosiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07085170279660503572noreply@blogger.com1