I MUST BE GETTING OLD ...

It must be that I'm getting old, because I finally resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to fulfil most of my youthful dreams. Well I gave up on being a ballerina in my teens when it became clear that I had two left feet ....
But all the big things I'd imagined turned out to be unimportant, and if I want to be remembered for anything it would be as somebody who tried to make a difference. On the days when I feel like life has conspired to make me somebody who has to stay home and sit down a LOT, it helps me to remember that I can still do that! That's what was in my mind as this page began - and that little chap is the "one person" I hoped I could make a difference for.

So that's what I was rambling on about as I worked on this - and look at me not writing in straight lines! Quite a revolution for me ...
I recently got a book on zentangle doodling and it has definitely influenced my journalling - I liked to draw on pages before, but on this one I was trying to take it to another level. Well perhaps the next level anyway!
Had a lot of fun with this as a result - well I expect you can see that! I've always been somebody who liked lots of fiddly little details, and as you probably already know I just can't resist filling up pages with all sorts of drawings and doodling.
So this is the finished result, completed with a dotty/swirly stamp which is one of my favourites. I'm very pleased with this one - I really like this colour combination and I'm SO proud of my efforts at not writing in straight lines! This leopard is clearly not too old to change her spots ...

Somebody said the other writing was hard to read so I reinstated this (more boring font). Not as much fun but I did think legibility was an important element!

RAMBLINGS OF AN INSOMNIAC ....

I made this page in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep ... and its interesting that in some ways its different to my usual output, not least in that its relatively simple. For once I haven't filled every nook and cranny with writing, but then it was about 3.00 am and even I can run out of words at that hour! You can see above how I began to lay down what I sometimes think of as a "river" of colour with the Caran d'Ache crayons ....
I took succeeding layers of colour out to the edges of the page, and then used a deep blue Promarker to define the edges (though not before I'd added some panels of offcut paper. Must have been in slightly mystical mode (I get like that sometimes) with the eyes and the buddha like figure.
And then, with uncharacteristic simplicty, I simply wrote down the central panel what I was thinking. Makes it sound easy doesn't it? It probably wasn't, but then who can remember what they got up to in the middle of the night? I was just pleased that it made reasonable sense when I got up the next day. I added some metallic lines using my new metallic Promarkers, but that was about all the embellishment I managed. I like it but there's no getting away from the fact that its a bit unusual for me! I wonder what that means? Never mind, its a mystery innit? Can't be profound all the time .....

RANDOM STUFF

We've been away - or I'd have posted before now. It was Himself's 60th birthday, which we celebrated with a trip to York during which we wondered how we had got so old without noticing .... And speaking of old, I was being a grumpy old bat the other day and decided to write about it. Above is the basic page I made using all sorts of bits and scraps ....

Then I started writing on it and forgot to take pictures as I went along, so this is the completed page. Its one I'm really pleased with, for once the images and the subject matter really worked together, and I also amazed myself by not writing in straight lines! It can be done ....
This seemed as good a time as any to share another page where I didn't manage to take pictures of the stages ... this began with an offcut of scrapbook paper, to which I added a cheeky cherub. Then it dawned on me that the page was a bit dark for writing on, so I added this shape with gesso - a bit pale so I inked over it a bit, and used my Caran d'ache crayons to outline the edges.
Well you know me - I can't see a blank space without wanting to write on it, and as you will see I had something I needed to get off my chest....
So now the awful truth is out there - I am VAIN (a bit, well possibly quite a lot). And I was cross with someone for assuming I was a pensioner, which didn't excuse my not being honest and coughing up the full adult ticket price. Sigh. Can't be a good girl all the time (apparently)!!

IN PRAISE OF FRIDA

You may or may not be familiar with the work of Frida Kahlo, a South American artist 1907 to 1954. In her teens she was the victim of a terrible car accident, and suffered life-long pain as a result of her injuries. Some of her injuries were appalling and I will spare you the details, but among them was a spine was broken in three places, as was her pelvis. She had 11 fractures in her right leg and her right foot was crushed. She got the gangrene in that same foot later in life, and had to have the leg amputated below the knee to stop it spreading, and was frequently bedridden after extensive surgery or just with pain.

I've always admired her - not only because of her striking self-portraits, but the sheer guts and bravery of the woman, so she's something of an icon for me, struggling in my own lesser way to deal with what life has thrown at me.

So there I was thumbing through my catalogue of collage images in search of inspiration and who did I let on but Frida's self portrait, with the tight thorns around her neck which represent her pain and struggle. I decided to draw a frame around her a bit like the South American Milagros, little shrines, because that seemed right for a heroine, and I gave her wings because she's gone on beyond her pain now. From the same page I found this little Frida label that just seemed to belong on the page as well.
I did the background with my trusty Caran d'Ache watercolour crayons, just a soft colour because I wanted the shrine to be what stood out of the page. Some collage sheet lettering provided her name, and then I just drew, doodled and wrote. The page turned out as I'd hoped - its vivid colours a testament to Frida's own brilliantly coloured paintings. It felt right to celebrate her life not so much in words but in art and colour.

DREAMING ....

Well you won't be surprised in these cold dark days to know that what I was dreaming of was warmth and sunshine - I'm not the only one, right? We've booked out the time, now all we have to do is decide where we want to go.

This page is one where there has been bleed-through from the opposite side, so once again I've used an offcut of scrapbook paper to cover that up and provide a ready-made background. The photo above shows the first few images and scraps of text that I put down, with a title drawn with a Promarker.
Then I started writing, and feeling that the page needed a bit more texture, added some lengths of Washi Tape just to liven things up a bit. I love this stuff and often use it as page borders too. Here I've outlined the title in black just to make it pop off the page a bit more.
And then, as so often happens, I got completely absorbed and forgot to take any more pictures until it was done. I do like doing this wobbly border (drawn with a Promarker) which extends into kind of cracks in the paper (I know what I mean). If you scroll down I used this in the last page I blogged too, and I often use my water soluble crayons to kind of add shade too.

That last statement "time with you" kind of crept up on me as the thing I was dreaming of more than anything. We share our home with my husband's 82 year old mother, and although she is a dear sometimes I just wish we could have more time to ourselves. ....

Anyway, while I'm about it I thought I would show you the journal which I've just completed - my third. My basic books are A5 canvas covered with a gesso finish, which allows me to paint them any colour I like - hence the pink! The three I've filled so far are all different, and I really enjoy finding bits and pieces to hang from the binding - they're all there for a reason, some of which make sense and some don't. There is very often a key, because for me art journalling has opened a door ....
And this is the journal I'm now working in - I had taken my time preparing it ahead once I got past the half way point in the pink one. Painted this one purple (I was in that kind of mood) and made a panel of soft hand-embossed metal to go on the front. I love doing this kind of work but my hands are getting so arthritic I don't think I'll be able to do it much longer, so thought I'd made a journal with it while I still could!
As you will probably have noticed, each journal has its own number, and I also put the relevant dates inside the cover, just in case I ever want to find a specific period of time. I've already begun on the next journal by painting it metallic bronze (a change is as good as a rest) but haven't decided how to decorate it yet.

BLUE MOOD?

Well no, not particularly as it happens ... I know it might seem like it but I do journal when I'm happy too! At the beginning of a New Year I don't so much make a resolution as choose a word for each year that I want to focus on, and that's what this page is about. This is actually a background I made some time ago, just waiting for me to write something. I don't work like that very often because I prefer the subject to suggest the colours, but on this occasion I was experimenting. I borrowed an idea I'd seen online - Teesha Moore among others makes copies of old journal pages and then cuts them up to use as borders. This was me having a go at doing the same, and I do quite like the result, although I possibly won't do it very often ....
Before I wrote anything I added the wobbly black edge to make the page frame stand out more - being similar colours they were blending together a bit. It was looking at the black and white I'd added that got me thinking about using a black and white image. Once I'd seen the quizzical look on her face I wondered what she/I was thinking (well she represents me obviously). The answer turned out to be my one word for the year, so that's what I wrote about. Simples.

And it is quite a simple page in the end - sometimes you can say what you need to in just a few words and no more is necessary. Well apart from a few squiggly bits of course - every page needs a few of those!!
I've only been practising with the word "now" since the beginning of the year but its working already - every time I catch myself looking ahead and worrying about the future, I just remind myself to appreciate NOW, and all the simple pleasures of the moment. OK I admit it doesn't work all of the time, but enough of the time to make the exercise worthwhile!!

PS Linda was kind enough to nominate me for a Liebster Blog Award and got in touch to tell me how much she enjoys visiting. Isn't that lovely? You've made my day Linda. I'm suppose to nominate some other blogs too, but that will take a bit of thinking about ....

CALMED AND COMFORTED ...

If you follow my blog you'll know that I've been battling my way through all sorts of setbacks, large and small, lately, and I made this page at a time when I'd decided that all I could do was rest in the promises that (in the end) all will be well. When you can't change something, not even by worrying about it, you just have to let it go, right?

So that's what I was trying to do here, and thinking about the words in Psalm 131. I think of God as a mother a lot, and so I drew this image of the child on its mother's breast and I wanted both her face and the child's to be very serene. The baby might be me, but it could just as easily be you ... it works as an image and metaphor whatever, doesn't it?
Then I started to write out the quote - feeling my way with this style of lettering which borrows heavily from Teesha Moore, but has sort of morphed gradually into my own (I hope). I drew lines first but ended up making the letters of different heights, so they were just there as a guide and I rubbed them out later. Out with the trusty Promarkers and I began to colour the lady - choosing this restful grey-blue.
Then it was finishing the lettering, adding the background colour, and lots of doodling. And of course there had to be elements of gold pen too - I know I've spoken before of the golden thread which runs through everything, so it had to be here. By the time this page was finished I was indeed calmed and comforted, ready to trust in whatever the future holds. Whatever would I do without the therapeutic opportunities of journalling to work things out in this way ..... ?

FEELING UNSURE

This page began without any real idea of what I wanted to say - just working on a background using yellow crayon with touches of grey as shading. I didn't take the colour all the way to the edge, and made a see through border using this Tim Holtz tissue tape, slightly fragile stuff I found but I really like the transparent look it gives. The words about journal just seemed to belong really. And that was it until I found the word "feeling" on one of my collage sheets, which made me ask the question ... well what am I feeling? After that I was off, as you can see below, and because it was all about uncertainty and not being sure what to do next I used grey (Promarker) as a way to visually illustrate that ....
And then it was one of those times when the page was just - finished, with nothing more to say, but of course being me I couldn't leave all that blank background, and my usual doodling and drawing wouldn't have seemed right for the subject matter. So out with my trusty dotty stamp and hey presto, empty spaces gone and filled with curvy lines that also add to the sense of wavering uncertainty!
I really like this page - its a bit different from my usual style, which can only be a good thing. Its always an interesting exercise to work outside your comfort zone. Unfortunately the answer to my question is no nearer than when I began, but I'm sure it will reveal itself when the time is right.

SORRY I WAS AWOL THERE ....

My computer was having a funny turn and had to go and be mended. I'm embarrassed to admit how much I missed it and the online community which brings the world to me ... my life as a disabled person who has to stay home and sit down a lot would be so much worse without that window on the world.

Anyway, hopefully all is now fixed and Polly PC will henceforth run beautifully. The enforced idleness from cruising the internet actually resulted in a great outpouring of stuff into my journal - it can only be good to get it off your chest right? Anyway I began this on a day when I was seriously having to take my own advice about counting my blessings, or fall into that dark hole where we all go sometimes. With that in mind I got out my watercolour crayons and splashed about in the brightest colours I could think of. Lots of people ask if I know what I'm going to say when I begin and the answer is 'sometimes', but not on this occasion. I added the Stampotique girl to represent me - she makes me laugh, she has to sit down, I also wear shoes with very thick soles or my feet hurt too much, and the brolly is an inadequate defence against the things which not infrequently drop on her . The handprints are there to represent the way I'm always getting sticky with arty stuff!
And then of course I knew what I wanted/needed to say, and the writing just flowed. I HAD forgotten that I'm lucky to have time and space to make art, and do need to be reminded frequently. I suppose its about not letting the bad stuff drag you down to a place where you can't see the bright seam of gold which runs through and illuminates your days? I know, I sound like Pollyanna don't I? I'll be doing that "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam" thing any minute ...
And having reminded myself of all the seriously Good Stuff in my life, there were still rather too many blank bits for my liking (I do prefer to make really BUSY pages, FULL of life and colour).
So I filled some of them up with doodles and drawings and this brilliant curly/dotty stamp which I absolutely love, use all the time, and have had so long that I can't remember where it came from. No actually I can - its from a clear set by Impression Obsession and its called Spring Squares. I've never actually used any of the square stamps in the set - though looking at them now I wonder why - but this curly one has been so useful.

Which brings me to wondering .... if I designed some stamps specifically for art journallers which like this were just elements you could use anywhere on a page, do you think there would be a market for them? It's something I'd LOVE to do ...

THE GATE OF THE YEAR ...

This time I thought I'd show you a picture of my worktable as I began my page - the tin on the left contains my Caran d'Ache watersoluble crayons which I can't recommend highly enough. I only wish I could afford the giant set of 84 colours rather than the 30 this contains!! I've put it on my Amazon Wish List so you never know? This was the last page of my journal - rather appropriate since it was also 1st January - and you can see the door image by Paper Whimsy cut out and waiting on the right (couldn't find a gate). I'd already begun to rub the crayons over the page, leaving a gap for the picture - the colours kind of melt and change like magic when you work on them with a wet paintbrush.
You can see that here - you get a kind of watercolour effect, and I often go back in and add more, particularly around the corners and edges - the more you add the deeper the colour. I also begun to write out this lovely poem ... which I always think of as each year turns.
This is only the first section of it, but obviously all the verses wouldn't fit! I then went to town on the page in terms of doodling, decorating and generally filling up the space! If the bit at the bottom makes you think of a sunrise/sunset that's deliberate, because the remainder of the poem speaks about "the breaking of day in the lone East", and you do get these pinks and purples, particularly at dawn.
For the decoration around the door I was thinking about the infinity of days ahead, and all their possibilities (more journals to fill, more people to love) so I was trying to suggest that behind the door the horizon stretches away beyond our sight. Well I knew what I meant, and I do love just doodling away. This has all been done with a combination of black pen - I like the Pilot waterproof drawing pens in different nib sizes, white pen by Uniball Signo and definitely the best, and of course Promarkers. Happy New Year even if it is the 11th. (Already? How did that happen?)

ANGELS

You may think I've lost the plot (and I'm not saying you're wrong either!) but on a very few occasions in my life a messenger I believe to be sent from God has come to me ... and because of that I like to think of them angels. I was blessed by such a visit a few weeks ago ... and this is my attempt to capture what I felt.

The background is mainly rubbed on Distress Inks, splashed with water, and I used my water soluble crayons to add a bit of depth to the colour around the edges. Although I don't subscribe to the idea that angels are girls - the biblical ones have names like Gabriel and Raphael - the Messenger who came to me that day was female, so I chose this image because I've always liked the serenity of this young lady's face. The wings themselves are gold foil bought ages ago - Paper Artsy keep these, and I think they're called German scrap, or something like that?
So then I just journalled straight onto the page - for once it was difficult to know quite where to start, so I pulled words out of a collage sheet of phrases that just seemed right, and worked around them. I almost decided that it was finished once the writing was done, but you know me and blank backgrounds - I just can't leave them alone.
I've recently discovered the joys of adding a little bit of metallic gold or silver to a page, and because what I was trying to record was so special it felt like gold was called for, so I drew a gold vine using a spirit based pen. Stinky, and the fumes may have made me a bit dizzy, but I do love the result. It still feels strange looking back at this experience, and I'm not sure that I've fully unpacked its implications .... but am working on it!

LAUGH ... its another Year!

I came across this quotation and thought it hit the spot for how I was feeling ... so this page began in a slightly unusual way for me. I'd done some work on the reverse and my Promarkers had bled through - they only do so occasionally since I glue two pages together, and then usually only if there's a big, dense block of colour. That's why the background here is an offcut of scrapbook paper to which I've added a section from a Teesha Moore collage sheet. Initially I just threw the cut up words down onto the page - I might have wanted to re-arrange them, who knows? But as you can see below, I put them down in the order intended, with another piece of collage.
Then it was one of those times when I got absorbed in the work and forgot to take more photos until the end. The window is from a Paper Whimsy collage sheet, and the lady is the Artchix muse - I use her a LOT, I just love the quizzical look on her face! The window image sort of represents the fact that I seem to spend a lot of my life on the inside looking out ....

It was pretty much finished at that point but the big orange areas looked a bit blank, and although I didn't want to fill it with writing (in my usual fashion) I drew a sort of vine in the spaces. It seemed to belong because it represents the tangle that my life is in at the moment ... just when it seemed to be safe to go back in the water. Never mind eh, you've got to laugh right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL and remember to keep right on journalling the ups and downs of life - after all its cheaper than therapy (and I KNOW because I've done both)!