PATIENT (not) ...

 

Following on from last week's post, and the change that is coming, I've been forced (again) to acknowledge that I'm not a patient person!  So much in this process is beyond our control, so for now at least I can't take refuge in the plotting and planning that I'm really pretty good at.  What I'm NOT good at is waiting for other people to get organised and make something happen.  This page arose out of trying to manage my impatience ...

I painted the blue background and wiped some of it off with a baby wipe, which gives interesting texture, and then started laying down grey collage pieces.

I just kept adding a bit more, including a lady with a slightly frustrated look on her face (my own face was probably MUCH worse).

Black outlines and grey shadows as ever make all the difference to how the page elements string together, not to mention getting the words out of my brain and onto the page ... helping me to feel lighter.

And here's the finished product - not too much doodly detail for once - but it says what I needed to get off my chest.  Basically it was/still is "grant me patience, Lord, but hurry!".

Hopefully I will manage not to chew my knuckles off while other people decide where we will be relocating to, and what kind of house we'll be living in.  Then yet more patience will be required while disabled adapations take place.  We might get there by Christmas, but then again ....
Rosie

I JUST CAN'T

  

Sorry about the darkness of this picture of the finished page ... the weather was grey and grim at the time!

You can see below the simple background, done with Neocolour II watercolour crayons.  I love these, and how they react when touched with water.  You can still see where I've rubbed different shades on the page, like the slightly turquoise rivulet going from top to bottom ...

Its fun to work WITH that sometimes, so my next step was to outline that shape with black Posca paint pen, and enhance that sense of movement.  You could use other black pens, but I find this gives me the deepest black of all, and I love the contrast it gives. You need the finest point Posca pen for this, which is 0.7mm.

Then as you can see I added some collage in circular shapes, which felt right with the sinuous lines.  I was thinking about a journey here, so these kind of became potential blockages or threats?  My memory problems are such that I don't always remember what I was thinking afterwards, but that doesn't seem to matter.

Then it became more cellular and almost medical looking, with little clusters and connections, and pink almost dangerous cells in places.  This page sprang from my beloved's failure to understand (or remember) exactly how the illness I have affects me. These words are something of a cry from my heart ....

Himself gets a bit frustrated with me sometimes, like when I ask him to make a phone call for me because I can't do it.  There are days when the cognitive symptoms I experience are overwhelming, and the thought of having to ring someone and explain something is more than my brain can deal with.  However, because I CAN do it much of the time, he clearly didn't want to do something for me that I can usually do for myself.

This made me incredibly sad, as yet another example of how my being ill both comes between us and yet makes me dependent.  The page and its words could also mean a lot of other things, and maybe it says something different for you that speaks into your life?  If that's true then I hope it helps, as getting this down on paper helps me.