THE RIGHT PLACE?

I've been journalling again - not often, but now and then, and it feels very good.  In fact I feel stupid for forgetting how much it meant to me, but the last 9 months have been quite a journey.

So here we are, Himself is well and all tests clear, which is nothing less than wonderful.  Its taken this long to realise that now we can stop holding our breath and actually make plans for a future we weren't sure we'd have.  But the reality is that I find myself in a new town, knowing just two people, and needing to put myself out there and make friends.  That's how I was feeling when I made this page.

As you can see, nothing very complicated for my first page in months - just pink acrylic paint with some orange splodged over it and a bit of collage.  It actually stayed this way for a few days ....

Then I picked up a pen and a bit more collage (remember I was rusty from lack of practice).  I've always loved this little girl image, she reminds me not only of myself but our youngest daughter.  The words awkward and difficult come to mind .... and here it represents me feeling like I don't know how to begin.

I didn't add a lot more except the words I wanted to say.  Once I would have doodled all over the place and filled the page, but on this first foray back into journalling it felt finished at this point.

And I DID do something to move on - I went to a Pain Support Group and was made very welcome.  Its a beginning.

NOT GIVING UP ....

 

It has taken a while, but I've finally realised that a particular door I've been banging on isn't going to open because its not meant to.  This has required considerable mental re-adjustment but hey ho, so I am beginning again.  However, lest I should later accuse myself of giving up too easily, I wrote this page as a justification for being where I am.  It works for me.

It began with me messing about with 3 colours of paint - that ombre thing of shading colours which is all the rage at the moment might have influenced me?  Whatever, it was fun using water to try and get the colours to blend seamlessly - acrylics tend to resist doing that.  I added the thoughtful lady just because I like her - Modigliani again, I do love his work.  The people he paints seem so human and fallible somehow?

Then I decided it looked a bit too clean and pure, so I added a wobbly black line around the outside (using the blunt end of a Promarker) and some grey paint for shading, then followed it up with a crackle effect stamp in grey and black.  That muddied the waters nicely.  There's also pencil shading around the figure - I'm quite into doing that lately.

 

The art word and the numbers are just because they looked nice, and then I wrote on top with the chisel end of a black Promarker - I find they work pretty well over paint, though not everything does.  At some stage I also tried rubbing gesso on with my finger, but didn't much like the effect - it looked better in the You Tube video I watched.

You can see above and below the difference between the basic letters and the finished ones - its a doodly kind of process thickening them up and extending the feet. For the finer detail I change to a Pilot drawing pen - I have them in various nib thicknesses.

And although it looked nearly finished at that point, I got out the Posca Paint pens in order to add doodle dots - as you can see the opacity of these pens is great because I could even add yellow over red and get a good crisp finish.

So there you are - finished page and a resolution made and acted upon.  I am NOT defeated, just taking the realistic decision to regroup and re-form, and see where that takes me.  I wouldn't want you to think I was giving up, obviously!