ENOUGH STRENGTH ....

 

I actually made this page just before Himself's surgery, but looking at it today I feel exactly the same now that he's home and we are learning to cope on our own.  Daughters have had to return to their own lives so its up to us now.

The beginnings of the page were, as usual, nothing fancy - just splodges of pink and orange craft acrylic paint.  I was looking for something bold and bright, that said "you can't scare me" even if that was exactly how I felt/feel!

There has to be a face or something human on every page for me, so I adapted this face stamp to give her a more neutral expression (she normally looks a bit sinister).  I added some petals as a sort of headdress, and a couple of pieces of collage.

What I needed to say came out of the word more - I looked at it and asked myself "more what"?  The answer was more strength, because I didn't feel up to what was being asked of me.  The serene face framed by flowers made me think of my (female) God ... and how I can never fall out of her hand, and I began to draw the flowing locks that I always include in images of her.

Then I just kept on drawing, finding it relaxing and peaceful, which helped me focus on promises like "I will not leave you" "I am always with you", until I felt wrapped around by her presence.  I added the words that were on my heart and placed them in trust into her hands.  I know very well that I can't do this on my own, but her strength can be sufficient for me.

Himself is doing very well and taking it easy at home to build up his strength.  The problems lie in the fact that he is normally my carer, and now he can't do anything either!  Our daughters have been here and helped out magnificently, particularly when it came to getting their non-driving mother to the hospital 20 odd miles away!!

Now I have to remember how to cook (a long time since I did), pace myself carefully so that I can keep the laundry going around, and so many other things that he made easy for me - how DOES someone who can't lift anything deal with changing the cat litter tray?  Suggestions welcome!!

But we are safe in God's hands and holding on to the hope that he might even now be cancer free - test results on the lymph nodes in about six weeks.

GOD SEES ME ....

Those of you who've been with me a long time will know that I sometimes make pages about my inner spiritual life, but these are the ones I don't post very often because they're deeply personal and may not make sense to everyone.  However, I hope this one is an exception and I'm sharing it because I really LIKE it ... and I don't necessarily like everything I make!

I'd begun a page I didn't like at all so had gessoed/painted over it - I didn't mind at all that you could still see some parts through, because that just makes it more interesting.

I'd recently bought this new eye stamp and knew I wanted to use it - unfortunately it didn't stamp very well on this surface but I just drew over parts of it.  What I was originally intending here was the eye would represent God, and the small person underneath would be me ... but that's not how it turned out!

In the end it became all about God, visually at least, but the thought expressed below made me feel calm and peaceful at a time when there's a lot going on in my life!

And perhaps one of the reasons I'm so pleased with the result could be the bold simple shapes, when too often I go in for too much fiddly detail?  Well it seems to work here anyway. The pointy finger is from a collage sheet, as are the letters GOD, and the other shapes are cut from patterns and colours that appealed to me - from magazines and books - and then drawn on top to make them my own. Detail mostly added with my trusty Posca paint pens, the shading on the face uses my Promarkers.

Happy New Year to all my readers!  I don't make resolutions but I do have hopes and dreams for the year ahead which may well come to fruition in 2015.  My take on it is always that if its meant to be then it will be, and if not I was barking up the wrong tree (again)!  I let God sort it out.

TREE OF LIFE ...

I came across this quotation from Proverbs not long ago, and was struck by the image. Strictly speaking the verses refer to the Biblical figure of Wisdom, who is female, but for me it works as a metaphor for God as well, and this page is the result. If you've been with me some time you will know that I (perfectly legitimately) relate to a female deity. Of course I don't wish to suggest that God is either male or female, but has aspects of both, while also being much more than we can begin to imagine. My own mother was such a difficult and unloving woman that I've found a lot of healing in relating to a female, motherly God.

You can see how I began below, with a pencil sketch - what I was trying to suggest was the tree element, which is why she has roots/branches in her hair. I drew so large (my journals are A5) that I didn't leave myself much space for the writing, but for me the image is central so I'm not too bothered, although if I was doing it again I might use the page portrait and write around the edges?
Then it was onto the Promarkers, adding layers of colour and those leaves in her hair. I always draw my God/Woman as both beautiful and SERENE, which for me is the key thing about her. She's calm and unshockable, but also full of love and kindness, and deep wisdom. Not forgetting warnings about graven images, that's what I was trying to capture.

Perhaps you can also see how I've elaborated on the sketched out lettering - first thickening each letter (as on the right) and then adding some curly bits to complete as on the left. Its just a gradual process of building up, and I practised on scrap paper to develop the style. It still needs work but I'm getting there.
And this is the finished page - with quite a lot of Gold marker added in to give her a truly special look. I have this image of myself hanging onto the trunk of the tree for dear life, while she wraps her arms and sheltering branches around me. Yes well, sorry if that leaves you baffled, but I guess some of you will know what I mean and some of you won't, and both are fine. I just hope it touches something in you at this very special time of year ....
Thank you for all the comments you leave - I really do treasure each one and online contact with other art journallers is a real lifeline into a shared forum of similarly obsessed artists!

I'M SO PLEASED WITH THIS ONE

Well I probably shouldn't say that (blowing one's own trumpet being generally frowned upon) but I AM pleased with this - which turned out exactly as I wanted it to. Can't say that very often!! A couple of weeks ago I wrote this "psalm" and wanted to include it in my current journal. I knew that (unusually for me) I'd need to do a double page spread, so began with this Basic Gray paper as a background. Being so focused on the motherhood of God idea, I wanted to express that visually, so began to sketch a pregnant mother ....
Then I started to give her some colour and (I hope) personality. I used my Promarkers here - I'm loving them more and more as I slowly learn how to use them to best effect, and must also say that they're wonderfully fast. Now that might not be an important attribute to everyone, but to someone with a sieve brain such as myself it means I don't forget where I was trying to go while I'm doing it!
The next stage was to write out the words and gradually add more decoration. The gold pen I used here seems to add a whole new dimension, and I used some more of that fine gold mist too but you can't see that here - it gives the figure a very slightly twinkly look.
Then it was time to start working on the other side - again by writing out the verses, and I knew I wouldn't have room for much more illustration. Focusing on the words allowed me to see how much space would be left for decoration, and once I'd drawn the leaves and flower I went back and added some of these to the left hand side to link it all together.
And this is the finished product, and as I said for once I'm very pleased with it. Some days I like what I've done, and others I don't, but then just occasionally I pull off something I didn't think I could do .... and this is one of them.
You may of course be happy with the image of God as Father, and the idea of mother might seem positively alien? Both are entirely legitimate, since God is neither male nor female, but we can find understandings of God's nature in the best of human nature and experience, whether of men or women. There is a redemptive aspect too for me in a motherly God, since my own mother was pretty deficient in that direction ....

Please tell me if you like it, or how you respond (or not). So many of you follow but so few comment, and sometimes its just nice to hear from you and remember that you're out there! I'm grateful for all feedback.

PEACEFUL PAGE

This is one of my spiritual pages, in which I was thinking about God as woman/mother (just as legit as Father or male) and I imagined a sort of ageless woman, neither young nor old, whose eyes would be very deep and whose wisdom would show in her face. That's what I was trying to draw here, although I'm not totally satisfied with the result, but you get the general idea. Never mind, I know what I mean!! There's lots and lots of writing here, which starts by going all around the page, mainly quotations from modern psalms which I love. The title is, of course, from Blake's poem ...

Hope this isn't too heavy to share - I wanted to be honest about the things that go on inside me, and not to feel there were aspects of my inner life that I was afraid to reveal ....