Bit of a theme with this page and the last one I posted - I seem to have had too much on, more than I really have energy for. As part of fibromyalgia I experience a kind of sensory overload where my brain goes into freeze mode and won't function. Always a strong message that I need to rest! However, if I'm not tied to the sofa then one way of resting is working in my journal ...
So I just opened the drawer with the paint in and grabbed whatever took my fancy - trying hard not to pull out all pinks or all blues, which is a besetting sin of mine. Delighted that I managed to use THREE colours on this page !
I really enjoy black line drawing and doodling. I wouldn't necessarily describe it as zentangle, although definitely inspired by those techniques. Another Modigliani lady also found her way onto the page - sometimes I copy them in black and white, as I'd done here, because I like the look on the page. She has a slightly stunned expression which fit my mood exactly!
I promised myself that I could go pretty crazy with the doodling because it was going to be there to represent how overwhelmed I was feeling and how complicated it felt like life had become. It may be true that it wasn't actually all that bad, but it doesn't take much to knock me off course. I like life simple, well NEED it to be.
You can see that I've added some touches of white and red to make the patterns a bit more interesting, and I like how the painted background shows through some areas. Just look at all those vines and creepers coming to tangle me up ... and there's almost a jellyfish feeling to some of it? Well I certainly know all about the "sting in the tail", and it did feel good to get all that negativity out of my system.
On days like these I have to remind myself to breathe deeply and just take things one at a time. There have been a lot of hospital appointments recently because the new drugs I'm taking have had some negative effects which had to be investigated, one of which was blurry vision, making journalling difficult, not to mention computer time. Hopefully now that's (mostly) checked out, life will once again become calm and serene (I wish)!
Rosie x
5 comments:
Blurry vision is one symptom among the many of fibro. I get days when I can't focus properly and I have a lazy eye, so it's hard sometimes to know if it's fibro or my glasses need changing!! It's hard to reduce activities down even more when you're incapable of doing much to start with. The overloading symptom can be worse than the pain. There's not alot you can do except ride it out and it's a horrible feeling that can last for days or weeks or more. I do like the change of colours, I think it suits the subject matter and the doodles remind me of how fibro can creep up on you. Gentle hugs xx
My sister also suffers from fibromyalgia. I really feel for those of you that suffer from this. I love the way that you express your emotions through your art. Taking something that has a negative in your life and turning into a special work of art.
I am in awe of how you can produce something so exquisite in design and execution and meaning when you feel so poorly ... A huge testament to your ability to endure. I am so sorry to read of your pain and overwhelm, and you're absolutely right about the brain - the neo-frontal cortex just shuts down when our threat system is on high alert (it's like a gate: you can have one or the other), so usual thinking, planning and verbal ability is severely reduced. Hoping that the creative work helps to settle your threat system and allow other bits of you to come back online :). You have my admiration.
I love your journal pages--artful and personal! I hope your health improves and that you feel better soon.
Beautiful, you have such talent. I understand the overwhelm, for me it was a symptom of severe depression. I would get home from work at 6.30 and I'd have 2 things to do. It felt like 2 too many so I'd panic and go into freeze mode where I got nothing done at all. I am now recovered but still suffer from overwhelm too often. I have found that keeping a bullet journal helps a lot.
Post a Comment