Fear and Loathing ...?

 

Great title innit?  This page came about when I found these words in my box of media clippings, and just knew I had to use it.  I should  probably issue a Health Warning at this point that if your politics are not broadly central to left, you are unlikely to enjoy what follows and should turn away now. 

I'd already made a nice purple background and even used a few stencils - another thing I struggle to love, maybe because I prefer drawing/doodling.  Anyway, having met my personal challenge to constantly try to work outside my comfort zone, I felt free to do whatever I liked with the rest of the page.....

And what came POURING out were my feelings about the unkindness of the present coalition government and its policy of protecting the rich and penalising the poor.  Got some things off my chest here, particularly concerning the so-called skivers and shirkers ... I loathe how we are increasingly hearing the language of the Workhouse, and the re-emergence of the horrible idea that people are only poor because they are shiftless and lazy.  Heck, don't get me started, I'm afraid this is going to turn into something of a rant.  You have been warned.

The Christian faith I live by has (or should have) an inbuilt "bias to the poor", and it is a given that you help those in need without judgement or precondition.  Whether we're people of faith or not, its been said that the measure of a civilised society is how it treats its most vulnerable members ..... well I rest my case on that one.

So the purple page led to some purple prose on this occasion, which gave me a chance to air some of my despair at the things being said and the policies being enacted.  I'd like to send the Cabinet to spend a day down at our local Food Bank (run by the Salvation Army) which our church supports.  I'd like to say to those who bang on about welfare rates being too high, or how they aren't going to support the feckless through their taxes .... hang on a minute, I live on welfare!  I don't have a choice because I've been disabled by a chronic condition.  Before that I worked and paid into the system for many years, and at quite a high rate.  Now I am unable to work but still do the best I can to continue to make a difference in society, and I'm not getting anything for free or that I'm not entitled to.  Its not YOUR taxes that pay my benefit, but mine, the ones I already paid, the insurance scheme I contributed to all my working life.  Remember too that things don't always go the way we hope, and redundancy or foreclosure can happen to you too, so think hard before you consent to welfare being cut or programmes dismantled.

OK, I will crawl back into my box now and mutter quietly to myself.  I might recommend you leave me there until I recover my normally sunny and optimistic temperament.  It may take some time.  I leave you with one thought - which is that its been calculated that the average person is 3 pay packets away from total meltdown.  That is, once they'd missed those three they'd be seriously struggling - unable to pay their rent or mortgage, their bills, and what about those credit card debts?  Don't JUDGE people on welfare - most of them are just like you, going through a bad patch.  Keep paying your taxes and pray like hell that when/if you ever need support it will still be there to help you through.

DREAMING ...

When I was a child, if someone called you a "dreamer" it wasn't a compliment!  It meant a failure to concentrate, to be fully present, or something like that.  Now I think that the world would be an infinitely poorer place if there were no dreamers ... and that's what this page is about.  At least I think it is, I'm never sure these days!  If it says something else to you that's fine, and part of the magic.

It began with me making blobby shapes on the page with my Caran D'Ache neocolour crayons - my favourite art material.  As you know, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with paint.  As ever I was challenging myself to push the boundaries of how I usually work, so hence a slightly off the wall colour combination ....

When I look at the basic page above, I STILL don't like it, and am mildly surprised that it didn't end up as one of those (admittedly few) that I eventually hate so much I tear them out.  But I didn't, and the urge to write on it came instead.

This was another of those times when the thought seemed to come out of nowhere, but the more I reflected on it the more important it seemed.  I know now that it is undoubtedly a message I was meant to receive (I know where from but you can make your own mind up about that).  I'd been thinking a lot about the necessity of laying down some of my long-time dreams and admitting that they were things which just weren't ever going to happen.  For example, in my teens I'd wanted desperately to go to art school, but my mother poured scorn on the very idea and sent me to learn shorthand typing instead.  Yeah right.  Not long ago my darling man said - well if you still want to, why don't you just GO? 

I thought about it, very hard indeed, but realised two things.  One was that I could no longer physically manage the demands of doing such a course, and so couldn't get the best out of it.  The second was the realisation that I genuinely didn't need to - not that I don't have much to learn, because I do, but perhaps I already am the artist I was meant to become?  That was SO liberating, and allowed me to let go of the anger I'd nursed for too long about my youthful dreams being so carelessly squashed. 

So this is the finished page - quite a simple one for me, and the doodling very restrained!  The other thing I learned from this exercise was that when you let go of old dreams which are no longer relevant to the person you now are, it makes a space for new ones to come in .....  I wish I'd understood that earlier in my life, but in some areas I'm a slow learned!

I still don't like these colours, or the blobby shapes, very much, but the beauty of art journalling is in how it is able to release things that need to be expressed or let go of, so this page is precious to me - not because it is beautiful, but because of what doing it released and enabled within me.

We had a fabulous holiday in New England, but its rather nice to be home again ....

GOOD IDEAS?

 

This page began with the light bulb picture which I cut out of a magazine - it just sparked something on the subject of ideas generally really.  I always keep interesting bits and pieces like this picture - I may not always use them, but fundamentally they are free, and a rummage through the box in search of inspiration can be very fruitful!

The other thing I sometimes do (when I'm feeling lazy anyway) is use a piece of scrapbook paper as a background.  This page is a case in point - although as you can see I've added some green and yellow/brown crayon around the edges too.  My light bulb was stuck on with glue and it went a bit bubbly at first, but what the heck, and anyway it settled down when the page dried properly.

So my jumping off point was to write about my good ideas on the light bulb in white pen, but I didn't know until I started to do it that I'd also write about forgetting most of them.  This is a bittersweet truth in my life because memory and concentration are affected by Fibromyalgia, and I could win prizes for forgetting stuff.  I have to laugh about it a lot of the time, though it makes my children crazy (but mum I told you) not to mention my Dearly Beloved, but I can't help it honestly. I used to be quite clever actually - I have to tell you that or you'd never suspect!

Once again this gives you a mini tutorial on how I write in quite simple letters and then go back and embellish/thicken them.  As you can see I vary the size of the lettering, and include both capitals and lower case - just practice, you'll soon get the hang of it.

Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, forgetting stuff.  I do write lists obviously, but then I lose the lists, or forget where I've put them.  Also, even when I do remember them, some of my best ideas don't look so great the next day .... but that's life innit?  The other light bulb is a hand-carved rubber stamp I bought on Etsy, I absolutely LOVE it and was waiting for a chance to use it.  This face stamp is one I use a lot, generally to represent me, particularly in my more "duh" slightly blank moments.

I added the teal green stamp shapes after the writing, as you can see, but by masking areas I wanted to protect it worked out OK.  The skeleton stamp is just fun ... but also has meaning for me in terms of the joke that life often is, particularly in relation to my loss of brain power.  Well I geddit...

I rather like the muted shades on this page, which I probably wouldn't have done without the background paper.  Notice that I haven't done nearly as much doodling as I sometimes do!  This is the sort of reflecting about life, the universe and everything that I really like to include in my journal, just because it makes me smile when I read back ....

That's it from me for a couple of weeks as we are off to New England to sit daydreaming by a river, which will be very good for our souls which are much in need of rest and refreshment.  Hopefully some warmth might be good for my poorly shoulder as well?  Back in early July when the jet lag has worn off ...

 

Journalling is a brilliant way to work through something which has got right on your nerves .... it will be obvious that somebody had once you've read the words on this, but it was a couple of months back and I'm over it now!!

In our organisation there is somebody who, more than once, has spoken a quiet word in the ear of somebody I'm close to, in the certain knowledge that this will then be relayed to me.  I can't be alone in finding this pretty infantile ... if you have something to say, come find me and we'll talk about it.  Nuff said anyway - that's exactly what this person isn't grown up enough to do, so even though I could force the issue by confronting them ... in the interests of peace between us all I won't.  Doesn't mean it didn't get right up my nose though.

So there I was with a ready made (Neocolour Crayons) background and a set of letter stamps and this is what happened ...

And before I knew it I'd got stuff off my chest and onto the page, all the while rehearsing the pithy things I would have to say on the subject.  Of course none of them were actually said, but thinking about it and composing a fine speech took the wind out of my sails and (most of) the irritation out of my heart soon enough.

And once that had happened I was free to doodle away - you know how much I enjoy that.  Touches of zentangle about this too - a technique I admire and don't use as often as I might.

The doodly bits were a visual representation of creeping rumours, and whispers in the dark, and all that stuff I hate so much because I'm a dead straight and up front sort of gal.  I work hard at responding like an adult and get frustrated when the inner child of others is clearly in control.  This kind of passive/aggressive behaviour lights my blue touch paper ...

Did I say I was over it?  Hmmmm apparently not, obviously more prayer necessary not to mention forgiveness on my part.  Hard isn't it?

CONNECTED ...?

Ever had one of those moments of insight when all of a sudden you feel connected to everything else, and just for a millisecond the universe makes sense, and so does your part in it?  Well I did, but it passed and anyway I don't get them often, so this page was to record the blessed event when just for a moment I (sort of) understood.....

This background is PAINTED!  If you're a regular here then you know I do not love paint, but every now and again I force myself to get it out and play with it.  My school art teacher said that orange and pink don't "go", but he was wrong.  They look glorious together, but I've only discovered that in the last decade!  Oh the dreadful things we tell children.

On top of the paint a border - a wobbly double line drawn with black marker.  I noticed how the spaces between the black bits were all different colours, so I accented that later with Promarkers.  The first border then got a white edge done with my white Posca paint pen - which works brilliantly on top of paint, if not anything else.  The rest of the space got filled in with black.  Amazing how different it now looks from the basic paint above?

I had seen a tree of life type symbol somewhere and this was my attempt at imitation - I liked the idea of above and below ground, it speaks to me of my roots running deep in good stuff, and my branches always reaching, stretching out and farther.  I know what I mean even if I'm not putting it very well.  The writing seemed to belong in the middle - in that space between heaven and earth?

Then finally it was down to the fiddly bits I love so much, and more writing in among the roots and branches.  I even added a little bird who seemed to belong there - maybe I should have given him a nest?

I also gave the main lettering drop shadows - interesting how it really lifts it and makes the writing jump off the page?

By the way, sorry if I've not been posting quite as regularly of late, like every 10-14 days rather than weekly.  On top of my other woes I have a frozen shoulder which is making me feel quite sorry for myself, and not much like doing art.  I have been cruising Ebay instead, which is very bad for the bank balance .....

DRAMA ...

 

This page is about something which has been overshadowing my/our lives for some time, which I can't describe for you because it concerns someone else it wouldn't be fair to speak about here.  However, you can see that this was a really powerful way to work through my feelings at the time, and I'm pleased to report that after years of being conflicted about it, resolution came quite easily and suddenly and magically the solution seems to be working for everyone involved.

As so often the page began with a background done with my Neocolour crayons from Caran D'Ache, and then ferreting about in my box of newspaper/magazine clippings produced the dramatic image below.  It really spoke to me because it seemed to be about hiding ... and I felt like I was having to hide my true feelings about the situation, particularly my anger and resentment.  The dramatic element also seemed to fit as we lurched from drama to crisis and back again.

I wanted to get a border around this page - perhaps instinctively I wanted to contain these feelings?  The word "drama" also got pulled out of the box, and I just really liked the number which doesn't actually mean anything but might if you see what I mean!

A lot of people have been kind enough to comment on my lettering - which began as a sincere imitation of Teesha Moore's but I hope has now morphed into something more truly my own.  My besetting sin is to write in straight lines across the page, not to mention making all the letters the same size (its the neat freak/straightist in me) so I was making a determined effort to break out of that.  Look, I even put the word "drama" on the page at an angle!  Bet you're proud of me.

I'm SO pleased with the way the writing curves around and even overlaps an element - why can't I  do that all the time?  Guess it will take practice to persuade myself that random is good ...

But in the end the best part is how this page worked as therapy - expressing that I felt powerless helped me to deal with it, and made it OK to live with it.  If you really can't change something why waste your energy kicking against it, right?  Then having come to that acceptance .... just a few days after I made this the doors I'd been banging on suddenly opened, and everything changed.  Evidence for the existence of God I'd say .... :)

ENOUGH ... AND MORE THAN ENOUGH

 

Here's a journal page done in landscape format - for some reason (just habit probably) I almost always do vertical pages.  However, every now and then I go mad and turn the book sideways - just to prove to myself that I'm really a free-spirit maverick rule-breaker .....

What I did here was make a page - a background of neocolour crayons and some bits of collage - just for the FUN of it.  Easy to forget that's supposed to be what journalling is for, the fun and pleasure of it.  Sometimes I know I'm trying too hard to make pages which contain deep wisdom and extraordinary art .... who am I trying to kid?  Its just me reflecting, playing, drawing, getting insights down on paper that I either need to work through or keep for future reference.  That's it.  I don't have to make heirlooms for my children to inherit, and nobody has to see it except me unless I choose to share it.  Working this way you can just relax and enjoy the process ....

I liked those legs from a collage sheet (Cemerony I think) and they went with the pinky background too.  I seem to be psychologically incapable of not using colours that "go".  It took me years to discover that pink and orange together don't clash, they're absolutely gorgeous!

So anyway, I returned to this background at a time when I was thinking about the concept of "enough" which is a bit of an obsession of mine, and I might have mentioned it before (sorry if I have).  In a society obsessed with over-consumption how often do you hear somebody say "actually I've got enough stuff and don't need any more".  Revolutionary concept isn't it, and one I've been exploring for some time, particularly in these recessionary times.

Sometimes my arms hurt a lot so on this occasion I didn't want to get involved in lots of careful lettering, which can make my hand cramp.  Anyway for some reason I can't actually explain, even to myself, I just love old typewriter fonts, and like to use them often.  Try a free site like my favourite Dafont, you'll find loads, and I guarantee you can waste hours on there poring over all manner of delicious fonts.

Obviously it doesn't take long to type your thoughts and print them out, and I often use this technique of cutting the result into strips - I do it a lot in my scrapbooks, or on the Brave Girls truth cards I make sometimes.  It works really well, particularly if you outline the strips a bit to make them stand out - you might notice I've inked the edges of these, but you can equally just draw round them, or highlight one particular word for emphasis.

And then I just doodled around until the page looked finished!  That's one of the parts I like best.  It began with the wobbly white lines - wobbly because its SO much easier to make them deliberately wobbly rather than attempt to get them perfect.  So I drew wobbly lines and then decorated around them with dots.  Easy peasy.

And I do think that the idea of enough is an important one - particularly if you believe as I do that all you have is God's gift.  We spend/waste such a lot of our lives protecting and preserving our "stuff", when half the time we don't actually even need that much of it!  Daft isn't it?

MAKING A DIFFERENCE .....

I'm still challenging myself to love paint and this was a very painty background ... I even splodged it around with a baby wipe on this one!  The result was quite pleasing - a bit like a stormy sky perhaps - if somewhat darker than it was really meant to be!

Then I had a good rummage in my box of magazine clippings and came up with the "how to make a difference" headline, which seemed like a good theme.  Now you might wonder what the house is doing there, and so did I once I'd pasted it down.  It was the colours that were just perfect really, but I concluded eventually that it was also there because when you're talking about the simple things in life it always boils down to home, doesn't it?

The typewriter?  Well that's  just there because its blue I think, anyway I can't come up with any more complex explanation, I just liked it, and that's a good enough reason to put it in in my book!

So once again this is a page in which I'm pretty much thinking aloud.  Because I'm now disabled and not able to hold down a job it is a repeating theme of my life to wonder occasionally what I'm "for" and whether I can still make a difference in the world when I can't even get out there independently any more.

But as you can see I came to the conclusion that it isn't about big stuff like founding Child Line or walking through minefields like Princess Diana.  It's that "bloom where you're planted" thing - you may not be able to go out and touch thousands of lives, but you can touch the people you meet on a day by day basis, and you can make a difference to them just by having time to give, and being willing to listen ....  I don't get out of the house as much as I'd like to, but people ring me or find their way to my door, and that's fine by me.

And because this insight is a very simple truth its a relatively simple page.  I did think about doing lots of doodly bits but it just wasn't right here.  I might even do more simple pages.  Yes, I know, its not that likely to happen is it, given my propensity for drawing and doodling and filling in the spaces.  The leopard doesn't change her spots because she LIKES them ....... :)
Rosie

BLESSED BE .....

I've been making one of my spiritual pages again ... as you know, I do this from time to time.  At one stage I considered keeping a separate journal for this kind of work, but then it seemed to me that all my pages belong together - without differentiating between spiritual and more earthly concerns, or indeed the complaints I sometimes commit to paper!  It seemed artificial to have part of my life in a separate box, instead of putting everything into one.

So that's why I break out into this kind of page occasionally, as and when I feel moved to do so.  Which I must have done on this occasion, because some man on the TV had got on my nerves and started me off thinking how glad I've always been to be female.  I love it, I've always enjoyed being a woman (although there are some design faults I might take up with the Almighty one day) and want to celebrate that loudly and often.

All these thoughts reminded me of a wonderful modern Psalm, written by Janet Morley - this is only part of it but you can find the rest in her book called "All Desires Known" if you can find it anywhere: it is probably out of print now.  If you've been with me for a while you will also know that I relate very strongly to a female God (without denying the Father aspects).  God is neither of course, but this is one way of relating that I just happen to find particularly helpful.  Try it and see?

And that's why I ended up drawing another beautiful lady deity, because (idolatry aside) I like to picture God as very calm and serene, and it kind of goes without saying that she'd be beautiful.  I drew direct to paper with a waterproof fine liner pen, and then as you can see below began to add colour - most of it with Caran d'Ache crayons, but the face and hair have been done with Promarkers with the addition of a gold pen to highlight.

You will notice that at some stage I decided I didn't like the pink background and gave her a heavenly sky full of stars instead - much better!  The words speak for themselves I think, and go right to the heart of it for me ....

And although I'm still dotty about my husband, I've always needed women friends too.  I particularly like the part about delighting in their company - the sisters who've walked with me on my journey have been among the most precious things in my life, excepting only my man and our children.  It was nice to celebrate that ....

NOPE, I WOULDN'T TRADE ....

Here's me challenging myself to try new things again - I gessoed the page (still hate gesso for its chalkiness, but it does make a good base for paint) and pasted on some strips on text, then added paint on top, and a stamp made to look like bubble wrap.  I know, and its a double page too!  Positively revolutionary for me, must have been watching too many videos on You Tube ... 

Then I put in the headline text (cut from a newspaper) and went and had a coffee while I thought about what I wanted to say awhile.  I often surprise myself with what I come up with, but I've been banging on about this for years, it was just the right time to get it down on paper....

I get so frustrated by all the advertisements telling me I should want to look half my age, made incidentally using models who are very young photographed in soft focus!  As if.  I'm perfectly happy in my own grandmotherly skin, thank you - the lines on my face demonstrate a lifetime of laughter, and I'm not ashamed of any of them.  Sorry, I may get off my soapbox in a moment, but it IS true.  I look back to the low self-esteem, lacking in confidence young woman I was, and then at how my life's journey has formed and shaped me into somebody I'm (mostly) proud to have become.  I am undoubtedly still a work in progress but would not want to turn back the clock even if it could be offered.  The wisdom I have (often painfully) acquired is probably the most priceless thing I have.

Some of the seed heads on this are stamped, and the white ones were just drawn on to match.  The face is a Teesha Moore stamp.

Rosie

MAKE YOUR OWN COLLAGE SHEETS!

 

Am I a genius or what?  Yes, undoubtedly not, but I may get top marks for persistence at any rate.  Out of a magazine fell a delicious catalogue (on that wonderful new non-shiny paper you see a lot of lately) for rustic weathered furniture.  I couldn't afford the furniture but I loved all the colours, patterns and textures in the catalogue, and thats when I came up with the idea of turning these images into a home-made collage sheet.  You can see below what I did - I cut interesting sections out in strips and began pasting them onto a base sheet.

And this is the sheet when it was almost finished.  I was really pleased with how it was turning out.  The next step was to colour copy it (I have one of those print/scan/copy machines) and preserve the original, while cutting up the print into yet more strips.

And I could then use the strips to frame a black painted page I'd begun - the border looks great if I say so myself, and the slightly fed-up looking Modigliani lady just seemed to belong there.

I have discovered that my Posca Paint Pen works best on an acrylic paint surface - its not good at all on top of the Caran D'Ache crayons - so I used this to write the simple message.  As always I just concentrate on getting the words down and go back to fancy up the lettering later.

As you can see below - I basically thicken up the letters and add doodly, curly bits to each letter.  I'm also training myself not to write in such straight lines with equally sized lettering - not always successfully I might add!  Did I mention that I am good at perseverance?

So anyway, this is the finished page - very simple and quick, but it says what I wanted to get down and I rather like the simplicity of it for a change.  Perhaps I just wasn't in a very doodly mood that day?

I hope you might feel encouraged to have a go at making your own collage sheets - there's so much (free!) material out there that you could use, all you have to do is identify colours, patterns and shapes that catch your eye.  My next project is going to be a collage sheet made entirely of lettering - for which I am mining newspapers (including the free local property newsletter, printed on more of that lovely matte paper).

Happy Easter everyone, and hope it is joyful, peaceful and happy for you all .....
Rosie

JUST WHAT THE SHRINK ORDERED ...

I found this headline in one of the papers I regularly mine for possible material, and just couldn't resist using it!  (This is actually a page from last year that I haven't blogged yet).

Usual background of Caran d'Ache crayons plus the headline, and a stamp of a man who looks like a shrink (well I think he does).  It actually stayed like this for quite a few weeks, and then the rest came to me ....

I read this study that demonstrated how being totally absorbed in a hobby like crafting is really good for you and releases happy hormones!  We could have told them that, right?  For me it refreshes the parts other activities don't reach.

I've often wondered how people can live without a passion?  No not that kind, but some absorbing interest you can get really enthusiastic about, like following your team, collecting stamps, or crafting.  I can never WAIT to stop doing what I should be doing, and start doing my art instead!  Its not like that for everyone and I can't help thinking that for people who don't have an absorbing hobby life must be a bit .... well monotonous?  With my disability it just about saved  my life when I realised that my working life was over - if I hadn't been able to throw myself into making stuff I might have gone under.

I always tell people that when I was young I spent all my spare money on clothes, but now I dress from charity shops and supermarkets and spend all my spare cash (and some that probably isn't) on craft stuff.  But the pleasure it gives me is simply priceless ... and just look at all these j ournals and scrapbooks my grateful children will inherit!  Yeah, right.  I rather hope they might keep one or two anyway ...

The flying pigs are a stamp (who could resist) but pretty much everything else is drawn/doodled.  Have I mentioned that I rather enjoy doing that?

PS Any similarity in colour scheme between this and the page I blogged last week is entirely coincidental, they were made about a year apart!