I WANT MORE ... but probably can't have it

In a rush with this as off on vacation in a couple of days, and panic sets in every time what with trying to sort out disabled assistance at the airport, medication, not to mention sharps disposal, copy prescriptions etc etc.  It'll be fabulous when we get there (wall to wall sunshine) but I'm at that stage where I'm so overwhelmed by the preparation that I no longer want to go ....

Anyway, enough of that!  A painted background as usual - and I even managed to use more than one colour!  I must be improving ...

Then the collage goes down and the necessary person goes in.  Maybe I need a bit of a jolt artistically speaking, because I'm really starting to feel that my pages are all becoming the same and a bit formulaic?

Completed collage with black outlines and shading.  At this stage I really didn't know what it was going to be about, but my subconscious obviously did when I stuck down "look for more".

Because then I exploded all over the page in my frustration at the limited life I have to live.  I really kick against it sometimes, but I guess that's normal.  I just want a life like everyone else, with friendship and laughter, spontaneous outings etc etc.  The reality is that if friends rang up and said "let's go out this afternoon" there's a strong chance I'd have to say no - but inside I want to say YES!  Yes to all of it, a full life, a retirement rich in experiences ...  In other words s'not fair. 

And it isn't, but it can't be changed so there's no point in using my limited energy to rail against fate.  God reminds me gently that I can still be of use in my small way.  And I get to go on holiday to a warm place where my bones won't ache nearly so much - and that makes me a very fortunate person.  I do count my blessings, honest, its just that sometimes I need to express the darker stuff .... because that's part of me too.

See you in October!!
Love
Rosie X