A friend reportedly said something which hurt me. I know it wasn't intentional and I chose to see it for what it was - a moment's idiotic lapse. We all have those don't we, including me. But stupidly the words kept going around in my head, and I realised that I needed to work harder to let them go. Making a journal page about it was one way of doing that.
Its no coincidence that I started to paint the page green - a colour I really like a lot (I have green eyes) but when I use it in my journal I never seem to like the result! I even brushed some gesso over the top because I wasn't keen on it.
So then, because I'm very colour co-ordinated as a rule and didn't want to make an all green page, I added some bits of collage which introduced a secondary colour - orange in this case. Some of these pieces were cut out of a John Lewis (big department store) catalogue, and the bark was from a children's story book I cut up.
My pages always have to have a face or an eye or something human, so another Modigliani lady made an appearance, and once again I added a grey shadow and some black outlining and doodling.
I had the black (Posca paint pen 0.7) pen in my hand, and for some reason I just began to draw wormholes. I think they're there because the feelings I was trying to get down (and out) were tangled and complicated....
The final form of the words I needed to say came last on this occasion ... and it helped a lot to get them on the page. I finished it off with some more doodling, but kept this soft using only grey and white. Am still not 100% sure I like it, but the page did what I needed to do in terms of setting aside negative feelings and determinedly concentrating on the positive aspects of a friendship which is important to me.
Its easy to say words about forgiveness but store up the injury in your heart, until it ends up poisoning YOU. Anyway, as a believer I know I have to lay things like this down. So I did. Still, its all a bit GREEN isn't it??!
