DO WHAT YOU CAN ....

This page arose out of somebody telling me that I inspired them.  I was incredulous at first, I feel like I do so very little, but later began to feel awed and grateful.  As a full-time priest it was almost never given to me to know when or if I'd made a difference, but we often justify ourselves through our busy-ness.  In my present limited life where I can DO very little, I often feel more like a taker than a giver. 

I do try to do what I can, however little that is, and I began to see that that is enough, and not to feel guilty because I cannot do more.  The realities of my life mean that it will have to be enough, but nonetheless it helped me remember that what I can give - which is time and a listening ear - is of real value.

The background is yellow but looks greeny in some lights ... and as you can see below the light was very different when I began work to when I was finishing the page.  The grey collage I laid on top of the paint looks blue below, but that was in artificial light.

The following morning (in full daylight) I added some more collage pieces - the word Inspire was the prompt for the whole page.  As you can see I've just added random text and textures, and  I've also added a grey shadow around each piece, using a marker.

The picture of Frieda Kahlo found its place because she is one of my heroines - she lived in terrible pain from spinal injuries sustained in a car accident, and yet managed to be an icon for many women through her painting.

The words below are simply making a record of what I'd learned through this particular encounter - that doing what you can is actually enough.  Very often I forget that.

Its astonishing how much peace this has brought me - I suppose I've felt guilty for a long time that I couldn't do more, forgetting that sometimes presence and quietness can be a contribution in itself.
Love
Rosie X

PS Lest I sound pious and self-satisfied ... you only have to look at my other pages to know how often I kick against my limitations, and hate the days when pain makes me cranky and horrible.  Peace is hard to come by and all the more valuable because of that.

ENOUGH ... AND MORE THAN ENOUGH

 

Here's a journal page done in landscape format - for some reason (just habit probably) I almost always do vertical pages.  However, every now and then I go mad and turn the book sideways - just to prove to myself that I'm really a free-spirit maverick rule-breaker .....

What I did here was make a page - a background of neocolour crayons and some bits of collage - just for the FUN of it.  Easy to forget that's supposed to be what journalling is for, the fun and pleasure of it.  Sometimes I know I'm trying too hard to make pages which contain deep wisdom and extraordinary art .... who am I trying to kid?  Its just me reflecting, playing, drawing, getting insights down on paper that I either need to work through or keep for future reference.  That's it.  I don't have to make heirlooms for my children to inherit, and nobody has to see it except me unless I choose to share it.  Working this way you can just relax and enjoy the process ....

I liked those legs from a collage sheet (Cemerony I think) and they went with the pinky background too.  I seem to be psychologically incapable of not using colours that "go".  It took me years to discover that pink and orange together don't clash, they're absolutely gorgeous!

So anyway, I returned to this background at a time when I was thinking about the concept of "enough" which is a bit of an obsession of mine, and I might have mentioned it before (sorry if I have).  In a society obsessed with over-consumption how often do you hear somebody say "actually I've got enough stuff and don't need any more".  Revolutionary concept isn't it, and one I've been exploring for some time, particularly in these recessionary times.

Sometimes my arms hurt a lot so on this occasion I didn't want to get involved in lots of careful lettering, which can make my hand cramp.  Anyway for some reason I can't actually explain, even to myself, I just love old typewriter fonts, and like to use them often.  Try a free site like my favourite Dafont, you'll find loads, and I guarantee you can waste hours on there poring over all manner of delicious fonts.

Obviously it doesn't take long to type your thoughts and print them out, and I often use this technique of cutting the result into strips - I do it a lot in my scrapbooks, or on the Brave Girls truth cards I make sometimes.  It works really well, particularly if you outline the strips a bit to make them stand out - you might notice I've inked the edges of these, but you can equally just draw round them, or highlight one particular word for emphasis.

And then I just doodled around until the page looked finished!  That's one of the parts I like best.  It began with the wobbly white lines - wobbly because its SO much easier to make them deliberately wobbly rather than attempt to get them perfect.  So I drew wobbly lines and then decorated around them with dots.  Easy peasy.

And I do think that the idea of enough is an important one - particularly if you believe as I do that all you have is God's gift.  We spend/waste such a lot of our lives protecting and preserving our "stuff", when half the time we don't actually even need that much of it!  Daft isn't it?

ENOUGH ALREADY ....

This page began as one of the swirly layered backgrounds I make with my Caran d'Ache crayons, and the colour combination came about because of a fabric which caught my eye.  Funny where inspiration comes from isn't it?  I originally envisaged this as portrait (most of my pages are) but when I came to work on the page it just told me I had to use it sideways.  Well you know what I mean!  It began with this simple statement.

I make no bones about this being a "cri de coeur" because I can only journal about what's on my heart and mind, and right now there's only one thing filling all the space in my life - and that is whether we continue with my MIL living with us or take the next step into residential care. If I can't express my feelings honestly, however raw, in my journal then I'm doing it wrong!  I choose to publish much of it in the hope that my struggles might just illuminate someone else's path.

This whole issue is a minefield and a very steep learning curve - did you know that most care homes require top-up fees because the government will not pay enough to cover the true costs of care?   I know this decision is hard for everyone who goes through it, but right now I feel besieged and bewildered ... so obviously I journalled about it.  Having said that, there have been whole weeks lately when I haven't touched my journal at all ... and believe me that's VERY unusual, and a measure of my distress.

Then I added more writing (using a Purple Promarker and an extra fine nib) and some refinement of the colour layers using more Promarkers.  What I've written feels very defensive now I read it again, but I think thats an accurate reflection of where I'm at - our children aren't taking this well and as a result DH and I feel seriously unsupported.  Luckily we have friends who are with us in this journey.

Now you will recognise that this page is relatively simple and bare (for me that is) but that's because having spoken my truth there is no more to say.  Enough in fact.  Ah, but then comes my favourite part, which is adding all the doodly bits.  As ever the trusty white pen and more Promarkers feature heavily.

I'm pleased with this - it says everything I wanted to express, and reading it again reminds me that these are the important issues, almost everything else is relatively unimportant (as in what our children think about it all).  We are the ones at the coalface, so we are the ones who get to decide.  Sorry, don't mean to preach.  Good job God's still listening ..... she's good like that!