WORMS .... or maybe just wormholes?

 

This is my most recent journal page, and I had such fun doing it because I've learned a new technique - the above squiggly patterns are called wormhole doodling, and I learned it from the Artstronauts Club of which I'm an enthusiastic member!  Sadly you do have to subscribe to access the video which teaches this.

I already had the page below - one of the painted backgrounds I sometimes like to get ready, particularly when there's nothing I want/need to say but I still feel like playing in my journal.  This was the perfect opportunity to try out this technique, which I'd been practising on random bits of paper.  You begin with a line and then you just keep on drawing a curve above or below the line, changing shape and direction as you go ....

And this doodling is so absorbing and compelling that before you know it I'd done this ...

At that point I began to worry about having enough space to write in, so I just completed the wormholes in the same way above the line until I was happy. 

The image I added is from Picasso's blue period - this poor girl looks the way I think I felt, a bit vacant and deeply fed up!  You may also notice that I'd outlined the wormholes with a yellow Promarker - liked that effect, which seemed to help them be even more 3D.

Having Fibromyalgia means you have memory and concentration problems - on top of those caused by menopausal brain death.  Its so bad that some days I honestly wonder if I might be developing dementia.  I'm (probably) not but you do feel as if chunks of your memory are unaccountably missing - my family know not to tell me anything vital in the late afternoons or evenings, information simply doesn't stick to the sides at all at those times, and even if I write it down I'm liable to lose the piece of paper ...

This technique provided the most wonderful way to illustrate what I'm on about, not to mention plenty of delightful opportunities for dotty doodling with my Posca paint pens - love these.

So there you have it - my brain is full of wormholes if not actual worms, which means that although the lights may appear to be on, very often there's nobody at home.  I can do all the walk and talk stuff, even make moderate sense some of the time, but I grope desperately for the words and concepts I want, which used to rise so easily to my lips.  Sigh.  Did I mention that I used to be quite clever once??

Yours vacantly
Rosie X
Now what was it I was doing before I started this?

STOP PANICKING!

 

This is actually quite an old page, but I feel I can blog it now because the person concerned won't ever know its them!  They were in a bad place but so driven by fear and panic they couldn't HEAR anything that was being said to them - including by their doctor.  And as it turns out it was a completely false alarm, and all that angst and energy given to flailing about and not hearing anyone was simply wasted.  Hey ho.  I guess panic is a legitimate emotion, but trying to reach her and help was like trying to hold a small child having a tantrum .....

This page was me getting my own feelings of frustration and helplessness down on the page - I think thats why I chose purple for its association with strong emotion!  Once again you can see the difference between the shaped finished lettering and the simple basic lines with which they are first written.

And you can see the same thing below too - sometimes I get all the writing down so that I can see how/if it will fit, and then go back and fiddle with/embellish it - which is of course the fun part.  I suppose its just an extension of doodling?  I was also trying to use different sizes of lettering and NOT to write in straight lines, a constant battle!

And of course by the time I'd had all the fun of doodling my way to a finished page, my own feelings were under control again.  Hers took longer ....

Actually it all made me think of giving birth - of course you CAN scream and panic your way through labour, or you can try to be calm, breathe, and ride through it.  This latter is my preferred method of coping with trouble, and I work hard at being a Brave Girl, not to mention a Grown Up ... admittedly with varying degrees of success!

Happy New Year dear readers - new beginnings are ALWAYS possible, not only when a year turns, but I do hope that 2014 will be a time to walk away from the stuff which weighs us down and holds us back, and to embrace new possibilities and opportunities.  Can I just say that this journey I'm making in these pages would be a much lonelier one without your company.